Confusion
by robertwnielsen
Summary: Dom's simple question has Hawke doing some serious thinking about Caitlin-and feeling very confused.
1. Chapter 1

_Confusion—A Modified Drabble_

_Disclaimer—_Don't own the characters, just playing again.

**A/N:** This will be based on Elanquest's challenge in Chap. 8 of her story _Tidbits._ Tried to do a drabble, but couldn't keep it under one hundred words. The line, '_Now, if I could only find a way to locate my balls and tell her exactly how I feel about her,' _is borrowed from rainbow severus, from her and av981638's excellent fic _Ultimate Betrayal, _and 'Ready-to-Rumble' Romie is Staff Sergeant Romanski, from my _Class Reunion _storyline, among others. Enjoy!-Robert

"String?"

"Yeah?"

"You still think she's a kid?"

"Who?"

"Ha! _'Who?', _you say. You know perfectly well who, ya dumb donkey!"

_Yeah, I do know,_ I thought, realizing Dom was asking me about Caitlin, _again._

"So?"

"I think I'll plead the 5th, if it's okay with you, Dom," I said, almost knowing his answer before I heard it.

"No, it's _not _okay with me, String!" I suddenly felt very glad that Caitlin had walked into the office and closed the door behind her. "When are you gonna admit how you feel about Caitlin, for God's sake?"

"I dunno, Dom. I honestly don't know." I admitted. _I mean, she's most definitely the only woman since Kelly who really gets my sense of humor; or who gets me. Now, if I could only find a way to locate my balls and tell her exactly how I feel about her, _I thought.

"You know what old 'Ready-To-Rumble' would say in a case like this, don'cha, String?" Dom demanded.

"Yeah," I said, even as I recalled 'Ready-To-Rumble' Romie, who'd been my senior drill instructor at Fort Jackson; "He'd probably look me dead in my face and yell, 'C'mon, 'Chicken Hawke!' Sound off like you've _got a pair,_ and tell her the truth!' Or something like that." Just then, I heard the door open and saw Cait walking toward us.

"Here's your chance, kid," Dom said, smiling as he walked away. As I watched Cait come toward me, I was more confused about how to respond to her than I could ever recall feeling; and that's a feeling I definitely do _not_ like. _Oh, well,_ I thought, _I'll figure something out. I hope._

**The End?**


	2. Chapter 2

_Confusion, Chap. 2_

**A/N: **Continuing the story by request.

When Cait got closer to me, I realized something was very, very wrong. _She's been crying,_ I thought, noticing the tear streaks down her face. "Cait? You okay?" I asked, suddenly worried about why she was so upset. _Hope it wasn't something I did,_ I thought, knowing that I _had _been the cause of Caitlin being upset more than once recently. _And Dom lets me know about it every single time,_ I thought, knowing I'd probably get the third degree from Dom as soon as he saw how upset Cait was. _I wish there was a way I could convince Dom this isn't my fault,_ I thought, knowing his temper—after all, I've been on the wrong side of it more than once, usually concerning Cait in one way or another—and that's _not _a place I like being. Then, I heard Cait answer my question.

"No, I'm not okay, String. John called when I was in the office earlier, and he—he told me our relationship was over." John, I knew, was the guy Cait had been dating. I'd seen him around the hangar a few times, and he seemed like a nice enough guy, except that he had eyes for Caitlin, and it sounded like he was getting serious—I just didn't know _how _serious, until Cait told us about the phone call. That was something else that bothered, and confused me—why the hell did it bother me so much that John had eyes for Cait? And, why the hell was I concerned that Cait was upset about something I did? And if it was something I did, what the hell was it? And, why in the hell was I suddenly feeling relieved that John had broken up with Caitlin? Questions began spinning in my head, but I asked the most logical one, at least to me, first.

"What happened?" I suddenly felt my heart beat faster when I heard that Cait's new boyfriend was now her _ex-_boyfriend, and I wondered what the new feelings meant. At the same time, I felt a strange sense of relief that Cait wasn't upset at me.

"Not that it's any of your business, String," Caitlin said as she wiped her eyes, "but he-he told me he wanted more from me than I was willing to give him. He'd been pushin' me to sleep with him the last couple of times he took me out on a date, and when he called a little while ago, he started buggin' me about it again, and sayin' he wanted me to sleep with him tonight after we got back from the date he had planned, but I told him in no uncertain terms that I wouldn't do it. He finally got the message that I wasn't gonna sleep with him, and he broke up with me. God, why do I fall for guys like him, anyway?" She burst into tears again, throwing her arms around my neck and sobbing into my shoulder. Not knowing what else to do, I wrapped my arms around her waist and held her as she cried, and I noticed something—_we fit together perfectly. It's—it's like we're made for each other. But, she was absolutely right—it wasn't my business why she was so upset, especially since she wasn't upset at me, or anything I did. And, I'll bet any amount of money that Dom's going to think Cait's upset at me when he finds out how upset she is,_ I thought.

Finally after a few minutes, Caitlin pulled back from my shoulder and looked at the stain there on my shirt. "I'm sorry, String. I didn't mean to get all emotional like that. And I've made a mess all over your shirt."

"It's okay, Cait," I said, smiling at her as I glanced down at the spot on my shoulder. "It's only salt water. It'll wash out. I'm not worried about it, so don't you worry about it. Okay?"

"Okay, String. I just feel like such a danged fool, you know what I mean? Especially where it concerns men in my life. I mean, it seems like I always fall for guys who want one thing, or they're only interested in me because of, well, you know." I knew Cait was referring to Airwolf, because of what happened with Ken Sawyer. _Not to mention Villers,_ I thought, remembering the incident during the Carter Anderson affair a year previous, when the man who was hired to kill Carter Anderson III, who Cait was flying to a meeting, just happened to be the man she was dating at the time, a guy named Robert Villers. I still remember hearing his voice on the radio, after we put a few bullets into his Corsair and it started down toward the ocean, trailing smoke. "I'll see ya, Cait. That's a good show, fellas!" Then we heard Cait's voice, strained with tears, ask "Robert?" just before his Corsair exploded. And, I appreciated that she didn't mention the Lady by name, even though the hangar was deserted. _Of course, Villers wasn't after the Lady specifically, like that rat Sawyer was, but he still had an ulterior motive for getting interested in Caitlin. _Then I remembered how Caitlin had answered me when I asked what was wrong. _And__ she's right. It was none of my business, what happened between her and John,_ I thought. _So I'll apologize for that, sometime._

"I know, Cait. But there's somebody out there for you, I'm sure of it. You just have to keep lookin', that's all." Then, my little voice started blabbing in my head again. _How do you know __**you're **__not that 'somebody,' Mr. Chicken-Hawke? You'll never know unless you try. That is, if you've got the balls!_

"But what if I'm tired of lookin', String? What if I'm so sick of bein' used by jerks like Sawyer and Villers, or bein' looked at as nothin' more than a sex object like John did, that I just give up on men altogether?"

"I certainly hope you don't do that, Cait." _What the heck did I just say?_ Almost as if in answer, the little voice retorted, _See what I mean? Caitlin said she's thinkin' about giving up on men, which would mean you'd have no more chance with her—__**ever**__. You better figure out what you're gonna do, Chicken-Hawke, and do it quick, like I said before!_

"Why would it make a difference to you, String?"

_Uh-oh. Think fast, Hawke. _"Um, no reason, Cait," I stammered. _Why do I have a bad feeling she's not gonna buy that?_ I worried, especially since I just made it up on the spot. _But why __**does **__it make a difference to me if she gave up on men?_ I thought anxiously. _Swell. Another question I've got to think about. Just what I don't need right now, especially with that pesky voice in my head, which is beginning to remind me of old 'Ready-To-Rumble.'_ The voice was, in fact, beginning to sound an awful lot like my senior drill instructor at Fort Jackson, Gunny Sgt. Romie, or 'Ready-To-Rumble' Romie, as we recruits called him_._

"Right! If you think I believe that, buster, then you've got another think coming! I'll ask you again—why the heck would it make any difference to you if I gave up on men?" _Her eyes are beautiful when she's angry,_ I thought, then amended my thought. _Her eyes are beautiful all the time. _

"I dunno, Cait. I guess I just want to see you happy. That's all." From the look in her eyes, I could tell she didn't believe that answer any more than she believed my first one, and I have to admit that I was wondering what was going through her mind at that point, although I thought I had an idea. _Probably something along the lines of, 'Why can't you just be honest about your feelings, Hawke?', or something like that. _Just then, Dom came out of the hangar over to us. _Thank goodness. I'm sure Dom's going to have questions about why Cait's upset, and that'll take some of the heat off of me,_ I thought. _Unless Dom thinks I'm the reason Cait's so upset, which, fortunately for me, I'm not._ Then I realized something—_Dom doesn't know that I'm not the reason Cait's upset. _I girded myself for Dom's reaction, and I wasn't disappointed.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Dom asked, having seen Caitlin's tears. He immediately turned on me. "For God's sake, String, what'd you say or do this time that's got Cait so upset?" Dom demanded as he glared at me. _Boy, do I hate being right all the time,_ I thought. _Or at least, most of the time._ Then, Caitlin bailed me out.

"String didn't say, or do anything, Dom. John called and dumped me while I was in the office earlier," Caitlin replied. _I owe you for that, Cait,_ I thought.

"I hate to say it, sweetheart, but I'm glad to hear it," Dom said, startling me.

"What?" Caitlin demanded.

"Sorry, Cait. I know you liked the guy, but I had a bad feelin' about him from the first time I met him. I got the feelin' that he only wanted one thing from you, and you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I know what you mean, and you're absolutely right, Dom. That's _exactly _what he wanted, and when I finally got through to him on the phone just now that I wasn't going to give it to him, he dumped me. God, I feel so stupid!" Caitlin broke away from me and ran back toward the office.

"Man, that is one upset little lady," Dom said as he watched her retreating form. "I'm just glad she wasn't upset at you, String."

"Yeah," I admitted. "So am I. I thought she was upset at me, too, when she first came out of the office a little while ago. I'll be honest, Dom, I wish there was something I could do to help her, because I hate to see her hurting like that." _There I go again,_ I thought, even as I remembered feeling the same way after we shot Villers down. _Of course, that time I felt guilty about having to shoot him down, even though if I hadn't, he would have shot Cait and Carter Anderson III down, and might even have been able to bring down Airwolf, since our number 2 engine was acting up. _Then, Dom's voice brought me out of my reverie.

"Maybe there is, String. You could find your balls and admit how you really feel!" Dom said. "I mean, face it, kid–you're a lot easier to deal with, and dare I say it, a lot _happier,_ since Cait came to us, and dammit, kid, I don't want to lose that!"

"Dom, don't start that again," I said, glaring at him. _Even though you might be right,_ I thought. _I just feel this—kind of peace when Cait's around. And I agree with Dom—I don't want to lose that. But I know I will, if things stay the way they are, because either Cait will give up on men altogether, like she said she would, or she'll find somebody else, and walk out of my life, forever._

"Well, anyway, I came out to tell you guys that it's quittin' time, so let's make sure Cait can get home okay, and then I'll take you home." I smiled at Dom as we walked back to the office together.

"Cait? You okay to go home?" Dom asked.

"Yeah," she replied. I noticed her voice sounded better, like she'd calmed down from the sobbing mess I'd held in my arms a few minutes ago. "I'll be fine. You guys don't have to worry about me."

"Cait, we worry about you because we care about you," I said. _There I go again,_ I thought, noticing Dom's glare at me. "As a good friend, that is," I added hastily.

"Thanks. I'll be okay, really. Probably drown my sorrows in a couple of bowls of ice cream and a video or somethin' like that, but I'll be fine. I'll see you guys in the mornin', okay?"

"Okay, Cait," I said, smiling at her. "By the way, Cait, thanks."

"For what?"

"For convincing Dom that you weren't upset at me this time," I said. "You—you didn't have to do that, you know."

"I know, String. I—I wanted Dom to understand that you didn't do anything to upset me today. I—I can't explain it, really."

"Okay, then. Don't worry about it. Like I said, I appreciate it. Thank you."

"You're welcome, String. You'd do the same thing for me if the roles were reversed." She smiled at me, a mind-blowing smile that melted my heart, even as I thought, _you're right, Cait. I would do the same thing for you if the roles were reversed. I—I just hope I get a chance to make it up to you, someday._

She turned and walked to her car, and was on her way home a few minutes later. Dom and I finished closing down the hangar and then climbed into a helicopter so I could go home.

As we lifted off, Dom said, "Sorry about thinkin' you were the reason Cait was so upset before, kid. It's just that"—

"I know, Dom," I said. "I've been the reason Cait's been upset so often in the past that it was only natural you'd think I was the reason she was upset this time." I smiled, knowing how satisfied I'd feel by turning one of Dom's teachings to me, and Saint John, back on him. "I guess it's like you always told Saint John and me—'never assume anything, because it just makes an 'ass' out of 'you,' and 'me.'

"You're right, String," Dom said, "and I'm glad to know you were listening to me!" Then, Dom fell silent for a few minutes. But just when I thought I'd get home without getting the third degree from Dom about my comments to Caitlin, he spoke up again.

"String, why on earth did you say that?" Dom demanded.

"Dom. I _don't _want to talk about it," I said, turning my head to look out the co-pilot's window. I hoped that would give Dom the message that I didn't want to be bothered, and fortunately, it did. He didn't say another word until we had set down on the dock.

"String, what in the world are you thinkin'?" Dom asked as I unstrapped.

"I-I dunno, Dom," I admitted, frustrated that I couldn't give him a straight answer. I opened the co-pilot's side door and climbed out. "I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"Okay, kid." I stepped back as Dom throttled the helicopter up and lifted off, turning toward Van Nuys again. That's when I looked down and saw Tet staring up at me.

"Yeah," I said as I headed inside to get my fishing gear. A few minutes later, I was out on the lake, trying to catch a trout for dinner, and my thoughts turned back to Caitlin, as they'd been doing a lot more often the past few weeks. Finally, I had caught a couple of trout, so I pulled the boat back up to the dock and walked back into the cabin to fix dinner.

As I waited for my dinner to finish cooking, I had time to think about some of the things I'd said, and just like earlier, I felt a strange sense of relief that Cait wasn't upset at me, and that she was now single again. _But it'd never work,_ I thought as I took my trout out of the oven. _Even without the curse, she's so different from me, how the heck would it work if we got together?_ Then I thought about it a little longer. _On the other hand, Cait gets me probably more than anybody I've ever been with, including Kelly, or Gabrielle. I mean, she understands all my little idiosyncrasies as well as Dom does, and she's even got a sense of humor like mine. But, wouldn't that be weird, getting together with my best friend?_

Then, I thought of my parents. _Dom once told me that Mom and Dad were each other's best friends, other than him. And they had a wonderful marriage. Heck, I can still picture them kissing—among other things they did—at the hangar, right in front of Dom, Sinj, me, and the whole world. And I even heard a few stories about them doing—something—in Dom's old Stearman, even after they got married. Wait a second–marriage? Where in the world did __**that **__come from? One step at a time there, String. But I know this much–I can't think of anybody I'd rather spend the rest of my life with than Cait._

I smiled at the new thoughts and feelings that were running through my mind. _I mean, Cait gets me probably as well as any woman I've ever known, and that includes Kelly. Not to mention the fact that Cait's one of the few people on the planet with a sense of humor like mine. Maybe—maybe we aren't so different after all. And besides, some of those differences—the fact that Cait's so much more outgoing than I am, for example—are what I fell in love with about her in the first place. Well,_ I thought, picturing Caitlin in the Airwolf flight suit, or in that red t-shirt and those tighter jeans she'd taken to wearing around the hangar lately, _that and the fact that Cait is beautiful. Truth be told, she's probably the most beautiful woman I've ever known, especially with the way she's taken to wearing her hair longer lately,_ I thought. _And I know I've known quite a few beautiful women, but there's something about Caitlin that just makes her seem more beautiful than any of the others, including Gabrielle._

I stopped myself as I pictured Gabrielle's face in my mind, and then thought of Caitlin. _Yeah, Gabrielle was attractive, but there's something about Cait, like I thought before. I—I think it's that spirit of hers. Along with her personality. And, the fact that she's so physically beautiful is just a bonus. I mean, even the Airwolf flight suit looks fantastic on her,_ I thought, remembering a few times when seeing her in the flightsuit had provoked a physical reaction that I was glad _my _flightsuit hid from her.

I wondered if Gabrielle would feel like I was insulting her memory, thinking Caitlin was more beautiful than she was, but I got the feeling that Gabrielle would have wanted me to be happy, even if it wouldn't be with her, the same way Kelly did. _Now I know what that old saying about 'between a rock, and a hard place' meant,_ I thought as I waited for my dinner to cook. _I mean, I'm damned if I don't say anything to Cait about how I feel, because she's just liable to pack up and leave, like she's talked about doing before. On the other hand, if I do say something to her about it, and then she ends up dying because of it, not only am I damned, but I'll have damned her right along with me. And I love her too much to hurt her like that._

Then, just like it had been most of the day, the little voice started up again. _Don't you see how much you're already hurting Caitlin, just by your attitude? You know what she told Dom before they rescued you from Horn? I don't think she meant she 'cared about you' as just a friend! I think she meant that she __**loves **__you, ya dumb, stubborn mule!_ Now I had to laugh, because instead of sounding like Gunny Romie, the little voice sounded a lot like Dom. _Or at least, it's saying a lot of the same things Dom's been sayin' to me lately about Cait, and with his voice._

_And, I hate to admit it, but the voice does have a point,_ I thought, remembering how Dom had thought I was the reason Caitlin was so upset today. _Like I said, I have been the reason she's been upset so often in the past that it made sense, at least to Dom when he saw her crying, to blame me for Cait being upset. I'm just glad he accepted what Cait told him, that I wasn't to blame this time._

Right at that moment, I have to admit I was wishing I'd never heard of Caitlin O'Shannessy, because of the mess I felt like she was making out of my life. As I thought back over the short amount of time I've known her, I realized that I couldn't say exactly when I fell in love with Caitlin, only that I knew I was in love with her, even though I was afraid to admit it to her face, because of the curse I felt like I had on me. _Although, with Saint John being home, it does bust a pretty big hole in that curse,_ I thought. _Not to mention Bobby, Le Van, and Ho Minh, especially if either Le or Ho Minh is Saint John's son. I mean, I love all of them, and they're still alive, along with Dom. But loving someone like family is a different kind of love, isn't it? _I thought about that for a moment, then answered my own question, before Dom's voice could answer it for me. _No, it's not. _

_And, of course, Cait. With everything she's been through since she came to California, including having her plane hijacked, sunk, and almost blasted into a million little pieces, it's a miracle she's not dead already! _I thought, remembering just how close all three of us had come to dying not all that long ago, thanks to Ken Sawyer slapping a bomb onto Airwolf's center console, as well as the one he told us he had strapped around Caitlin, who he was holding captive. _We only got that detonator jammed with three seconds to spare,_ I thought, _but we did get it jammed, and I blasted Sawyer out of the sky before he could reactivate it. _

_But I've gotta admit, I wish to hell I could have forced that sonofabitch to land, so that the three of us could beat the living hell out of him for what he did to Caitlin. I mean, I know she slept with him, but I get the feeling it wasn't completely voluntary. I mean, I'm not saying he raped her—if he had, then just beating the hell out of him wouldn't be good enough—but I have the funniest feeling that Sawyer conned her into it somehow. I've heard of that happening before—guys threatening to rape a woman in order to get her to cooperate with them—and Sawyer wanted to make sure Cait wouldn't warn Dom and me about what he was going to do, so it would make sense for him to do something like that, especially as much of a slime bucket as he was. Truth be told, I doubt Sawyer really loved Caitlin at all. I think he was just using her to get to Airwolf, and me. And,_ I admitted, sighing, _I'm sure the fact that Sawyer was saying all the things Cait wanted to hear, in the beginning, had something to do with why she let herself be talked into sleeping with him. I mean, I heard how good a con artist he was, and under the circumstances, I'm not surprised he was able to do what he did._ _Especially,_ I had to admit, _since she had—and still has—no idea how I feel about her. I don't know why, but I have the strangest feeling that if I'd told her how I felt about her before she met Sawyer, she never would have let herself get involved with him in the first place, and certainly wouldn't have let him talk her into sleeping with him. _

_Tell me something I don't already know, Captain Obvious! _The little voice was back, and sounding like Dom again.

_Oh, shut up already!_ I thought. _Although,_ I realized, _I hate to admit it, but I might just be coming around to Cait's way of thinking. And the little voice's, too._

_That's good._ The little voice responded. _Only if it gets you off my back for a while, _I thought.

I had to admit something else, too—even though I enjoyed my solitude, there were times that I wished I had something—well—something more than just the 'woman of the week,' as so many of my liaisons had been, such as the one with Angelica Horn. _And we all saw how __**that **__turned out,_ I thought, shuddering as I remembered how she drugged and kidnapped me, allowing her father John Bradford Horn to brainwash me. Then I remembered again how Caitlin had fought me when I didn't recognize her in my room at Horn's compound, and I remembered the look on her face when I regained consciousness from the drug she injected me with—it was something that Michael had given her, which was supposed to counteract any other drugs in my system—which it did, but it knocked me so far out that Caitlin thought I was dead, which accounted for the tears I saw in her eyes when she woke up. And, Cait told me later that she thought _she _had killed me, since the antidote Michael gave her had proven fatal in about a third of the tests the FIRM had conducted.

"But," I told Caitlin not long after the incident, "that meant that two-thirds of the test subjects _didn't _die." She smiled after I told her that, and I was surprised at how much better _I _felt when Caitlin smiled at me. _It was as if everything was right in my world,_ I remembered thinking later, _I swear my heart melted, just a little bit, when I saw that smile_. _And, it's not as if Cait can't defend herself. After all, she __**does **__know karate. Remember how bad that bruise was, after she fought you in Horn's compound. _I thought, wincing as I remembered the combat boot-shaped bruise I had on my chest for two weeks, after she kicked me during the fight, before injecting me with the antidote.

_Not to mention that time with Kevin,_ I thought, recalling how Caitlin had fought off three guys, before another one snuck in and knocked her out, which allowed them to tie her up and take her prisoner. I laughed when I remembered how we'd complimented Kevin on his flying, and Caitlin said, "Next time, I'd like to see you do it with your hands…_untied._"

_Another time she was in trouble, and survived,_ the little voice started in again.

_I know, I know!_ I have to admit, at this point, I was getting fairly annoyed at that pesky voice, and wondering what I could do to shut it up, permanently. _Like that's a big mystery,_ I thought, realizing exactly what I had to do.

About that time, I realized my trout was done cooking, so I pulled it out of the oven and got ready to have dinner.

_I guess I've just got to find my balls and tell Cait how I feel,_ I thought as I ate.

_That's what I've been tryin' to tell you, 'Chicken-Hawke!' _the little voice retorted, again sounding like Gunny Romie.

_Yeah. I know. And, you're right,_ I admitted, sighing. Once again, I found Caitlin's beautiful smiling face at the forefront of my thoughts. _I-I really do love her,_ I thought. _Now, I've just gotta find my balls and figure out how to tell her. And I don't know why, but I've got a feeling that's going to be a lot harder than it looks._


	3. Chapter 3

_Confusion, Chap. 3_

**A/N: **Okay, so I've completely blown the 'drabble' thing up, with Chap. 2 and now this chapter. My apologies.-Robert

As I ate my trout that night, I found my thoughts going back to Caitlin again, something that I recalled having happened an awful lot recently. And I realized that I was feeling something that I hadn't felt in a _very _long time—that I was falling in love with her. _Or maybe I've been in love with her from the beginning,_ I thought, _and just been too damned stubborn to admit it. Maybe Saint John can help me,_ I thought as I finished eating and did the dishes.

_And,_ _that's why I'm hoping she doesn't give up on men,_ I realized, _because if she does, that means I've completely screwed up any chance of being with her. Of course, I might have screwed that up anyway, with the way I've treated her recently, but if she really does decide to give up on men, I'll never know._ Of course, I knew if I didn't take the chance, I'd never know what Cait was thinking anyway. Not that I ever really _do _know, or understand, what Caitlin O'Shannessy might be thinking, even though I know sometimes it seems like I do. _But,_ I thought, _she definitely understands me, and knows what I'm thinking, sometimes even before I do. _

After dinner, I finished doing the dishes and fixed myself another glass of wine, trying to reconcile the feelings in my mind. I mean, I was ready to admit that I was in love with Caitlin, and that I had been for a very long time, but there were things that bothered me—_What if she doesn't love me the way I love her? What if she really does give up on men after what happened with John, like she said she was going to do? And worst of all, what if my attitude the past few months—years, actually—has convinced her that I don't love her, even though I do?_

I glanced at a photo of Caitlin that was sitting on a table near the sofa. "I love you, Caitlin. And, I'm in love with you," I said to the face in the photograph, and suddenly, something in the air felt different. _Like I should have admitted that a long time ago,_ I thought. _Now I just have to find the right way to admit it to her. _I marveled at how easily the words came out of my mouth just then. _But that's because I was talking to her face in a picture,_ I thought. _I'll bet it'll be a whole different story when I'm standing in front of her for real._

Later that evening, as I sat and watched the fire die down before I went to bed, I found myself thinking about every time Cait had been in danger since she came to California, and that she'd survived each time. _Of course, I hadn't admitted my feelings about her,_ I thought, trying to justify why she kept coming back to us—to _me—_in light of the curse I felt like I had on me.

_But Sinj is home now, and he's alive, like I thought before, and that busts a pretty damned big hole in that stupid curse. Plus, there's Dom. He's been backin' me on Airwolf missions ever since Michael asked me to steal the Lady back, and he's still here. And of course, Caitlin. Sometimes, I wonder if she knows how happy she makes me. _I smiled as I thought back on how much happier I've been since I've known Cait, even when I've been fighting to ignore her effect on me. I mean, I can't explain it, really, but I just feel this kind of peace and happiness when she's near me. It sounds weird, I know, but that's the truth. And I realized that over the course of the time that I've known Caitlin, she's come to mean a great deal more to me than I let her believe. _And I'm sure that's why she said she was going to give up on men,_ I thought. _Because if she really is in love with me the way I think she might be, and I keep refusing to acknowledge how much she loves me, sooner or later, she will just give up trying, and maybe give up on men entirely, unless some other man charms her right out of my life._ Then another voice sounded in my head. _Or unless you find your balls and tell her how you really feel,_ the voice said, and I wasn't sure how to respond to that.

Then, I started thinking about all the other questions that had been on my mind today. _Why was I concerned that Cait was upset with me? _That answer was simple–because I loved her, because I was _in love with her, _and because I was worried that she didn't feel the same way about me. And that was also the reason I felt so relieved when I heard that John had dumped her. _Because it would mean I still had a chance, if I just take it,_ I thought. And that was also the reason it made such a difference to me if she gave up on men. _'Cause if she does, that means I never had a chance with her,_ I thought sadly, _and that sooner or later, I'll lose Caitlin forever, when she finds a 'cowboy that cute,' as she once said, or some other guy who'll sweep her off her feet and right out of my life, and not only be after her body like Jon was, or after her because she knows me, like Sawyer—and to an extent, Villers—was. He-he'll love Caitlin, and want Caitlin, for herself_. That thought sent a shiver of fear through my body. _I know one thing—as afraid as I am of loving Caitlin because of the curse I think I have on me, the thought of losing Caitlin to another man scares me even worse. I—I just can't bear the idea of Caitlin being with someone else, if she's not with me. _

_But I can't think like that!_ I was surprised and relieved that all the questions I had on my mind had answered themselves so quickly. _I think I knew the answers all along,_ I thought as I sipped my wine, _I was just afraid to admit to any of them, because if I admitted that I knew the answers, I'd have to admit, and acknowledge, that I'm in love with Caitlin._

I sighed as I finished off my wine and headed upstairs to bed. _Well,_ I thought as I closed my eyes, _I'll figure it out, eventually. _And for some strange reason, I kept seeing Caitlin's tear-streaked face at the forefront of my thoughts. _Even with her eyes all red and puffy from crying, she's beautiful, _I thought. Finally, my mind quieted and allowed me to fall asleep.

I wish like heck I could say that my emotions were settled when Dom came to get me the next morning, but if I said that, I'd be lying. I didn't say a word until we'd arrived at the hangar, and then my first words were in response to something Cait said.

"String, you okay? You look almost as upset as I was yesterday," she said, smiling up at me. Just from seeing that smile, I felt a whole lot better for some strange reason. _It shouldn't surprise you, Hawke. When Caitlin smiles at you like that, it tells you that everything's right in your world. It always has,_ I thought.

"Not really, Cait. I-I've just got a lot on my mind right now, that's all."

"Want to talk about it?"

_Oh, no,_ I thought. "Nah, Cait. It's-it's just somethin' I've gotta figure out on my own. Don't worry about me, okay?"

"String, I worry about you because I care about you." I stifled a smile as I heard the echoes of my words to her the day before. "As a good friend, that is. Just like you said to me."

_Is that all, Cait?_ I wondered, remembering what Dom had told me Cait had said before they rescued me from Horn. "Thanks, Cait, but just like you said yesterday, I'll be fine." _You coward!_ The voice from last night was back. _You had a perfect opportunity to tell her how you feel right in the palm of your hand, and you're letting it walk away from you! Now, who knows when you'll get the next one! Now, I know why Gunny Romie always called you 'Chicken Hawke!'_ I don't know why, but the voice in my head sounded an awful lot like Gabrielle just then.

_Yeah,_ I thought. _And, you're right. That was the perfect opportunity for me to tell Cait how I feel about her, and I wimped out. _

_Tell me something I don't know, _the voice retorted sarcastically. Then I heard Caitlin saying something, and pulled myself back into the present.

"Okay, String. If you say so." I smiled at her as we got back to work. _Something tells me she doesn't believe me,_ I thought, noticing something in her expression, even though she'd smiled at me.

"Penny for 'em, little brother?" Saint John asked me a few hours later.

I glanced over to where Caitlin was standing, and Saint John got the message immediately. "C'mon," he said. "Let's go for a walk." I couldn't help but think that even after sixteen years away from me, Sinj could still read me like a book.

"Okay, Sinj," I said as we walked away from the hangar.

"You really like her, don't you, little brother?" Saint John asked me a few minutes later.

I hesitated for a minute, not sure how I'd answer him, then finally decided the only thing I could do was tell him the truth. A truth I'd been fighting far too long. "Yeah, I do, Sinj. I like Cait an awful lot. In fact, I think"—Saint John cut me off abruptly.

"You're finally admitting that you love her, aren't you? Congratulations, little brother!" Saint John smiled at me, and I had to admit, he hadn't lost his touch. _Damn. Even after bein' away from me for all these years, he can still read me like a book,_ I thought. _Now I see why he always did so damned well in those psychology classes he took in college._

"Yeah. I am admitting that I love Cait. And, that I'm _in love with _Cait. But, Sinj, you've gotta promise me not to say _one word_ about this to her, or Dom."

"You know I wouldn't do that, String."

"Dammit, Saint John, promise me!" I really hated to use my brother's full name like that, but this was _important._ I wanted Saint John's word that he wouldn't say anything to Caitlin, or Dom, about my feelings, and I wasn't going to let him off the hook about it.

"Okay, String, _okay_. If it'll make you feel better to hear me say it, I promise—my lips are sealed. But let me say this, little brother. It's about time you admit how you feel about her, dammit!"

"Yeah, I know, Sinj," I said, lapsing back into the nickname I'd used for my older brother since we were kids. "By the way, thanks. I guess I finally realize that the curse doesn't really exist, especially now that you're home."

"I'm sure glad to hear that, String," Saint John said. "Y'know, if I didn't know how much Cait loved you, I probably would've asked her out myself by now."

"You really think she loves me, Sinj?"

"Oh, _come on,_ little brother! You can't tell me you've never noticed—wait a minute, never mind. Yes, you _could _tell me you've never noticed how she looks at you sometimes." My big brother grinned at me, to let me know there were no hard feelings. But, I remembered when we rescued Cait from Sawyer, she kissed both Dom, and me; and it seemed to me like she held the kiss with me a little longer than she did with Dom. _Was Cait tryin' to tell me something?_ I wondered. Finally, I knew I had to tell Saint John how much I appreciated our little talk.

"Thanks, Sinj," I said as we turned back to the hangar. "Thanks for listenin' to me."

"Any time, little brother. That's what I'm here for. I figure that's something I can do to try and make up for being gone all those years."

"Thanks. I really mean that, Sinj. And I appreciate what you're saying. Probably more than you know." I smiled as I recalled Dom telling me how Caitlin had told him, _'I care about him, too, you know. Probably more than you know.' _And once again, I found myself wondering exactly what she meant by that.

_Maybe you should just find your balls and ask her about it!_ The little voice was back again.

_Yeah,_ I admitted quietly, if for no other reason than to try and shut the little voice up, at least for a while, _you're right._

_Glad you can admit it, 'Chicken Hawke,' _the little voice said, sounding a lot like Gunnery Sgt. Romie, my senior drill instructor at Fort Jackson when I went into the Army. _No wonder that damned voice has had my attention so much,_ I thought. _Old 'Ready-To-Rumble' always knew exactly what to say to get me and all the other recruits riled up._

"I know, little brother."

Just then, Caitlin came out of the hangar and walked straight up to me. "You okay, String?" _She must've seen somethin' in my eyes,_ I thought, suddenly becoming worried. _Or she wondered why Sinj and I were walkin' away from the hangar like that._

"Feelin' a lot better now, Cait," I said honestly. "Sinj and I just had a little brother-to-brother talk." From the look on Cait's face, I got the impression that she was wondering exactly what Saint John and I had talked about, but I wasn't about to tell her. _Considering we were discussing her,_ I thought.

"Well, String, just remember that I'm always here to talk to, if you need me." The look in Cait's eyes was one I hadn't seen before, and I couldn't tell exactly what it meant. _And I'm not about to try and guess what she's thinking, _I thought, recalling something Dom had told Saint John and me both when we were kids: _Never assume anything, because it just makes an ass out of you, and me. And, _I thought, _that's the last thing I want—to end up lookin' like an ass in front of Caitlin if I assume something, and I'm wrong._

"I-I'll remember that, Cait," I stammered, surprised at how much I appreciated her words to me. "Thanks."

"Any time, String." She smiled and winked at me as we got back to work.

Before Dom took me home that night, Cait walked over and hugged me. "You sure you're okay, String?" she asked when she pulled back and looked me in the eyes. _I never noticed this, but she has the most beautiful eyes,_ I thought, even as I once again noticed how well her body seemed to fit against mine. _Actually, there are a lot of things I never noticed about Cait, until now, because I wouldn't let myself notice them. Well, I'm definitely noticing now._

"Yeah, Cait. I'm fine. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"Okay, String." I smiled at her as she slipped out of my arms and walked over to her car to go home. Dom and I climbed into the helicopter and headed back to my cabin. Then that little voice started up again. _You did it again, 'Chicken Hawke!' You had another perfect opportunity in your hands—literally—and you chickened out again! I'm really disappointed in you. I mean, seriously—just how many more opportunities do you think you're gonna get thrown at you on a silver platter like that last one, or the one before that?_

_Yeah. I know,_ I thought as I strapped into the co-pilot's seat.

"String, are you sure you're okay?" Dom asked once we got in the air.

"Yeah, Dom, I'm fine," I said, smiling at him. "Why?"

"No reason, other than the fact that I think you've been bein' friendlier toward Cait these past few days than you've _ever _been since you met her! What's goin' on, String?"

"Well, Dom, she probably needs a friend right now, after what happened with John," I said, not wanting to reveal too much, "and I do care about her. Maybe a lot more than I realized, or wanted to admit, until now."

"_Oh?_" Just from Dom's tone of voice, I knew I'd said too much.

"Just drop it, okay, Dom?" I pleaded. Given that John only broke up with Caitlin a day ago, I didn't feel right telling her I was in love with her, and asking her out so soon. _But if you don't,_ that annoying voice sounded in my head again, _and soon, then somebody else probably will. And the next one could very well be the 'cowboy that cute' that Cait was wishing she would find._ I winced when I considered, again, the possibility that Cait could find someone who would love her for her—the way that I now realized that I do—and not have an ulterior motive, and that I'd lose her forever.

"Okay, okay," Dom said. I was relieved when I saw the cabin coming up in the distance. Once we'd landed, I quickly unstrapped and climbed out the co-pilot's door.

"See ya in the morning, Dom!" I said over the roar of the engine.

"Okay, String!" Dom smiled and waved at me, then I stepped back as he throttled up the helicopter's engine and lifted off pointing the helicopter back toward Van Nuys.

That night, I thought about what had happened that day, and I smiled when I recalled Caitlin's expression just before Dom and I left. _She has a beautiful smile,_ I thought. _Heck, she's beautiful. Probably the most beautiful woman I've ever known, if I'm being totally honest with myself. _As I went to bed that night, I found Caitlin's smiling face at the forefront of my thoughts again, and I made up my mind that if another opportunity presented itself, I was going to tell Caitlin how I felt about her. But later, I had a dream of finding Caitlin the same way I found Gabrielle—unconscious and dying in my arms. _That can't happen,_ I thought. _And if we get too much closer, I'm scared to death that it will._ Finally, I allowed myself to go back to sleep. As much as I hated to do it, after that nightmare, I knew that I had to keep Caitlin at arms' length, at least, or else that nightmare might just come true, and there was no way in hell I wanted that to happen.

When Dom and I got to the hangar the next morning, Saint John and Caitlin were standing outside waiting for us. "Morning, Sinj," I said, ignoring Caitlin completely. I winced at how hurt she looked, but after the dream I had last night, I knew that was how it had to be.

"Hey, String," Caitlin said, walking up to me. I smiled weakly at her, then went to work. I didn't realize Saint John had seen me blow Caitlin off until he confronted me a few hours later.

"Okay, String. If you're not gonna talk to Cait, which you haven't done since you and Dom got here this morning, then you're gonna talk to me. Cait told me a few minutes ago that you haven't said word _one _to her since you and Dom got here this morning! And, she also told me how hurt she is by you ignoring her like that. I don't mind tellin' you, String, after what Cait told me, I'm so mad I could kick your ass myself! What in the hell is going on in your head, little brother?" Saint John demanded later. _I should've known,_ I thought. _I saw how hurt Cait looked when I blew her off when Dom and I got here, and I should've known she'd say something to Saint John about it,_ I thought.

"Whataya mean, Sinj?"

"Didn't you hear a thing I just said, String? You've been blowing Caitlin off since you and Dom got here this morning, and she's feelin' even worse now than she did the other day when John broke up with her. I thought yesterday that you told me"—

"I know what I said, Sinj, but it's like I told you before. I can't risk losing Cait the same way I lost Gabrielle, or Kelly. And I feel like that's exactly what's gonna happen if I tell her how I feel about her."

"Come _on,_ little brother! What happened to Kelly was an _accident,_ for God's sake! You know that! And don't forget that _you _came within a half-inch or so of getting killed that night, too! As for Gabrielle, didn't you tell me that this Moffet guy, the one who built Airwolf, was crazy?"

"Yeah, I did tell you that, Sinj, but"—

"Oh, but me no buts, String, or I might just tell Caitlin to _kick yours!_ If I didn't do it myself, that is! The man was _crazy,_ you told me! And, you told me that he would stop at nothing to keep Airwolf! Heck, he tried to kill you and Dom, didn't he?"

"Yeah, he did." I still remembered waking up in a cold sweat for days after we recovered Airwolf, after I had a nightmare where I saw Moffet aiming his pistol at the refueling intake, and he was able to get off the shot that destroyed Airwolf and killed both Dom and me before I unleashed the first missile and killed him. And I stifled a laugh when Saint John said, _'I might just go tell Caitlin to kick yours'. She could do it, too,_ I thought, recalling the combat boot-shaped bruise I'd had on my chest for two weeks after Cait and Dom rescued me from John Bradford Horn. _I know she could kick my butt, because she already has. And like she told that guy on the plane, she does know karate, and gives free samples._ Then I heard Saint John saying something else.

"And not only that, String, but think about everything Cait's gone through since she came here lookin' for you. And every time, she's come out okay. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"Yeah, I guess it does, even though she wouldn't have gone through most of it if she didn't know me, or know about Airwolf. You know I always hated it when you were right, don'cha, Sinj?"

"Yeah, I know. So what are you gonna do about it?"

"I don't know, big brother," I said, turning Saint John's 'little brother' comment back on him. "I honestly don't know, and I hate feelin' like that."

"I know, little brother, and all I can do is try to help. But if you don't mind my sayin' so, you need to figure out what you're gonna do, quickly, or else I'm afraid Cait's gonna walk out of your life, permanently. And, I'd hate to see that happen, considering how much easier you are to get along with. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Cait's a big part of the reason for that. Y'know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do know," I said, surprised at how seriously the thought of Caitlin leaving frightened me. "I know exactly what you mean, Sinj, and if you want me to be perfectly honest, Cait walking out of my life is exactly I'm afraid of." _And I mean that,_ I thought. _As much as it scares me to love Cait, I've gotta admit that the thought of her leaving scares me even worse. I-I just can't bear the thought of my life without Cait, or knowing that Caitlin was with another man, when she could have been with me._ I swore for a minute that I could almost hear Gunny Romie, my drill instructor in the Army. _He'd be shouting, "Come on, 'Chicken Hawke!' Sound off like you've __**got a pair,**__ and tell her how you feel!", or something like that. _ I stifled a smile as I pictured how Gunny Romie would have reacted in this situation, then I heard Saint John's voice again.

"Glad you can be honest, String, but I get the feelin' there's something more. So come on, _give, _already! Or, just like I said a minute ago, I'm gonna go find Cait and tell her to kick your ass all the way back to the cabin, little brother!"

_He'd do it, too. And Cait would kick my ass all the way back to the cabin, if Sinj asked her to do it, especially if she's hurting as badly as Saint John says she is. But I know Sinj—he'd never lie to me, so Cait's got to be hurting like crazy right now, and I owe her an apology for that. _"Okay, Sinj. You asked for it, but don't say I didn't warn you. Last night when I went to bed, I had made up my mind that I was going to tell Caitlin that I love her, and that I'm in love with her, today. But then, I –I had a nightmare of finding Cait unconscious and dying in my arms, just–just like what happened with Gabrielle. And that scared me, and made me realize that I can't tell her how I feel, or Cait'll end up dead like everybody else."

"Well, I don't see Cait bein' kidnapped by anybody like Moffet any time soon, little brother, so I doubt you've got anything to worry about."

"I hope like hell you're right, Sinj," I said as we got back to work.

Later that afternoon, Saint John said to me, "String, think about everything Cait's been through since you've known her—I mean, okay, Sawyer, I get—she never would've met him if she didn't know you, and didn't know about Airwolf. But, she could've been on that plane that got hijacked, even if she didn't know you and had left Texas to live somewhere else! And I don't think those guys who hit her sorority reunion a while back knew anything about you, or Airwolf!"

"Well, look at what happened with Holly," I shot back. "She went bonkers—at least, more bonkers than she already was—after she saw Cait and I kiss on that movie set. And the deal with Kevin and that other air service—_we _were the ones investigating them! And what about Villers?"

"What _about _him? Was he after Airwolf?"

"Well, no, not specifically; but he got close to Cait because he knew she was going to be flying Carter Anderson III to a meeting, and there was some kind of bounty on Anderson's head. I still remember how hurt Cait was when she found out Villers was flying the Corsair. Even though he'd tried to kill Cait, she was still sad, and hurt, that I had to kill him." I hid a smile when I remembered just how sad Caitlin had been, until the discussion we had that I punctuated with a variety of snippets I played on my cello, and how my denial that Airwolf, or I, had anything to do with getting rid of Villers, snapped her right out of her depression.

"_You came to my rescue again, didn't you?"_

"_Y'know, we really like having you around,_" I said, _"but it wasn't us."_

_I had to admit, I was expecting Caitlin to be upset that I'd denied being involved, especially since she heard my voice on the radio a couple of times, and I wasn't disappointed when she responded to me. "Now wait a minute! You wait just a minute! Do you mean that you're gonna sit there and tell me that I just imagined—well, that I didn't see—that there's no__** big, black helicopter? **__Now, can you __**do that**__?" she snapped._

_I simply turned to Dom, smiled, and said, "I __**think she's feeling better!"**__ before launching into the opening bars of "The 1812 Overture," even as Caitlin glared at me._ Then I heard Saint John talking again, and pulled myself back into the conversation.

"Yeah, I guess I can understand that. The point I'm tryin' to make here, little brother, is that a lot of what's happened to Cait had _absolutely nothing _to do with you—and think about this—the times that she's been in trouble because she knew you, you and Dom have always had her back, haven't you?"

"That's true," I admitted, "but what if we let her down? I mean, even once, and she could wind up dead."

"Yeah, she could, but now, you've got _me _to help. Or at least, you _will_ have me to help_,_ if you ever get around to teaching me to fly that fancy bird of yours, like you said you were going to do."

"Now that Michael's told me we can keep Airwolf, and that the FIRM won't be trying to get her back as long as we keep flying her for them, you've got it," I said, smiling at my older brother.

"I'm looking forward to it," he said, then we went back into the hangar to shut things down so I could go home.

That night when I went home, I stayed up a lot later than I probably should have, trying to sort my emotions out. Finally, I figured out what I needed. _A little solo time in the Lady. That'll help. Of course, Dom won't be happy. Come to think of it, Cait won't be happy either, but I need some time alone to think about everything,_ I thought as I closed my eyes and fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_Confusion, Chap. 4_

The next morning when Dom came to get me, I wondered what he'd say to me going up in the Lady without him. I didn't have to wait long to find out, after I told him what I wanted to do.

"You're takin' our Lady up for a spin without me?" Dom demanded. "Why?"

"Dom, I-I just need some alone time to think about everything. I promise, next time I decide to go for a check ride, I'll bring you along. And Cait, if she's still around."

"Whataya mean, 'if she's still around?'"

"Well, you know she's talked about leavin', and I'm worried that my attitude yesterday might just be the straw that broke that camel's back, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do know, but I wouldn't worry about it," Dom said, smiling at me. "She's stuck around this long waitin' for you, even with all your mood swings and attitude changes. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"I guess so, Dom," I said, still unsure. By this time, we were approaching the hangar, and I was surprised that Cait wasn't standing outside waiting for us, the way she usually did. When Dom and I got out of the helicopter, I walked over to Saint John. "Have you seen Cait around here?"

"No. She wasn't here when I got here, so I went ahead and got things opened up. I wouldn't worry too much about it, little brother. She probably just overslept."

"I sure hope so," I said as I walked over to one of our jeeps. I climbed in and started up the engine, headed toward the Lair.

As I got near the Lair, I found my mind and emotions settling, especially after I'd changed into my flight suit and begun Airwolf's preflight sequence. As I pulled her out of the chimney and noticed the sunrise through the cockpit windows, I advanced the throttle and felt Airwolf picking up speed, and I remembered how much I'd enjoyed flying Airwolf as the program's original test pilot, before the falling out with Moffet. I felt a peace at the controls, a lot like the peace I've been feeling when I'm with Caitlin, which turned my thoughts back to her. I remembered a few times I had stood with my arm around Caitlin, like after we rescued my friend Greg Stewart's wife, Rainey, and her son Greg, from the crooked sheriff a while back; and I thought about how comfortably Caitlin fit against me. _It almost felt like she belonged next to me like that,_ I thought, even as I remembered when Caitlin ran to Dom and I after Michael led her off the ship where Sawyer had her captive. The way she kissed me hadn't felt completely like a kiss of gratitude. _It felt like a kiss that a woman would give a man she loved,_ I thought. That's when decided I needed to pick up the speed a little bit and clear my head.

After a few minutes, I hit the turbo button and felt the powerful turbines kick in. As I whipped the Lady around some of the stone outcroppings around the Lair, I had time to think about my feelings for Caitlin. _I guess I've just got to face it—I'm in love with Caitlin, and I have been for a very long time. I've just been too stubborn and stupid to admit it, until now. But what if she dies, like Kelly and Gabrielle did?_ I thought.

_String, Cait's not gonna die on you. I've been watchin' you two, and I see how much she loves you. Even more than I did, I think. _I was shocked when I heard Kelly's voice in my head.

_Kel? Is-is that you_? I thought.

_Yeah, it's me, String. You asked what if Caitlin died, like I did, and I feel like I have to answer that question. There are no guarantees in life, String. You know that. All you can do is live every day, one day at a time. And, I'd hate for you to live the rest of your life alone. You deserve better than that, String-Bean._

_Kel, you know I always hated it when you called me that, right?_ I thought, even as I remembered just how much I hated that nickname, a reference to the fact that I was tall for my age.

_Yeah, I know. That's why I always said it to get your attention._ I smiled as I recalled how Kelly had used that annoying nickname to get through to me when we were dating, and having an argument about something. _And I think you need to hear it again, now. C'mon, String-Bean. You know I'm right, don'cha?_

_Yeah,_ I thought resignedly. _You, Dom, and Sinj, you're all right. You've all been tryin' to get me to understand how Caitlin feels about me, and to admit how I feel about her. But you know how stubborn I can be, Kel. You know that probably better than anybody, except Dom and Saint John. That's why I've fought my feelings for Cait for so long. And not only that, but I just don't want it to seem like I'm forgetting what we had, y'know?_

_I know that. _I stifled a laugh when I heard Kelly's voice, as I remembered Caitlin's first words to me when I saw her standing next to the Stearman, holding that stupid bolt that I kept dropping. Then, I heard Kelly's voice in my head again. _String, you need to stop fighting your feelings for Caitlin. And, don't worry. You wouldn't be dishonoring my memory, or the memory of the time we had together, if you got together with Caitlin, and Gabrielle feels the same way I do. If anything, the fact that you haven't had a serious relationship since Gabrielle is dishonoring both our memories, String-Bean. I told you before the accident that if anything ever happened to me, I wanted you to find love again, remember?_

_Yeah, I do remember,_ I thought, recalling the conversation we'd had at her house, a few days before Kelly died. _And I promise, I'll do better._ I was surprised that Kelly's voice had reminded me of her words to me before the accident. _And I remember I told her that if I didn't make it back from Vietnam, she should go on without me,_ _but I didn't know that I'd be the one going on without her. Except I haven't done a very good job of going on._ I finally stopped my thoughts when I heard Kelly's voice again.

_String, I wasn't the woman you were supposed to be with. Neither was Gabrielle. But you deserve to be happy. And I think you'll be able to be happy, once you finally acknowledge your feelings about Caitlin, because she is the woman you're supposed to be with. That would help us both to rest in peace. Can you do that for Gabrielle, and more importantly, for me? Please?_

_All right, Kel,_ I thought, turning the Lady back toward the chimney, feeling happier than I'd felt in a few days. _I-I'll do it. If Cait's still around when I go back to the hangar, I'll tell her exactly how I feel. That I love her, and that I've loved her for a very long time. Maybe even since I first saw her outside of Bogan's jail cell._

_That's good to hear, String,_ Kelly's voice rang in my ears. _And Gabrielle says to tell you she wanted you to be happy, too. And she knows Cait can make you happy, just like I did. _I shook my head and smiled under my flight helmet at the thought of Kelly and Gabrielle's spirits communicating about my happiness.

_Thanks, Kel. For everything,_ I thought as I brought Airwolf back down into the Lair.

_You're welcome, String. Just remember—Caitlin loves you, even more than either Gabrielle or I did. And having a love like that, you'll make it through anything. Like I said, I've been watchin' you two, and I can tell Cait understands you even better than I did, which just proves that she's the woman you're supposed to be with. And you understand Caitlin better than you ever understood either Gabrielle, or me._ I felt my heart lighten as I heard Kelly's words in my head as I changed clothes and got ready to head back to the hangar.

I drove back to Santini Air excited to tell Caitlin that I'd figured out my feelings, and to tell her how much I loved her. But as I pulled up in front of the hangar, I noticed both Dom and Saint John standing outside, looking extremely upset. _If they're worried, I'm worried,_ I thought, feeling a sudden tightness grip the pit of my stomach, something I hadn't felt for a very long time. I parked the jeep and hopped out quickly, running up to Dom. "Dom? What's wrong? Did you hear something about Cait?"

"Yeah, String." I could tell Dom's eyes were red from crying, and I immediately felt myself panicking inside. "The-the police called a few minutes after you left, and-and Cait was in an accident this morning on the way in here. They said they took her to Foxbridge Clinic, but that it wasn't looking good."

"No!" I shouted, angry. "Dom, I-I can't lose her! I decided while I was gone that I was going to tell her how I feel about her, and now you tell me I might not have the chance? Dammit, I knew something like this might happen!"

"C'mon, little brother," Saint John said. He and Dom led me back over to the jeep, and Saint John took the keys out of my hand, "let's get to the hospital. Cait's gonna be okay, String. You've just got to believe that. Don't stop believin' that, okay?" _Good thing Sinj grabbed the keys, _I thought. _Because I'm so worried right now, I'm in no shape to be driving! We'd end up right next to Caitlin in the hospital if I did—or worse._ I tried not to shudder at the thought of what 'worse' could entail.

"Okay, Sinj. What the hell happened, anyway?"

"Dom said the guy that hit Cait's car dropped his cigarette and took his eyes off the road trying to find it," Saint John told me. "He barreled through the stop sign and hit Cait's car broadside." I shuddered as I recalled what happened the night Kelly died. _Deja vu all over again,_ I thought, now understanding what that tightness in my gut was. _The pain of losing someone I love,_ I thought sadly, recalling how I felt the same thing just before we found Gabrielle unconscious in the desert, in Libya, and how I'd felt the same thing in the hospital that night, before the doctor told Kelly's parents, and me, that she didn't make it. _Except Cait doesn't even know how I feel about her._ I couldn't help thinking back to the nightmare I'd had the previous night, when I found Cait unconscious and dying, just like I'd found Gabrielle. _Well, I may not have found Caitlin,_ I thought, _but she's unconscious, and could very well be dying right now. It's–it's like my nightmare's coming true!_ I suddenly thought about how Kelly's voice had told me that Caitlin wasn't going to die on me. _I sure hope like hell you were right, Kel,_ I thought.

"What happened to the other guy?" I demanded.

"Dom said that the police told him the other guy was dead at the scene, and that Caitlin was rushed into emergency surgery as soon as she got to the hospital. Something about internal bleeding or something of that nature."

"Oh, God," I said as we pulled into the parking lot at Foxbridge. We charged through the front door, and none of us was surprised when Marella came up to us.

"Whoa, whoa, easy there, String!" Marella shouted.

"Dammit, Marella, where's Cait?" I demanded, a little more harshly than I probably should have.

"She's in a private room, String, and she's alive, but unconscious. The doctors and I did everything we could—it's all up to her, now. She was bleeding internally when she came in, from a ruptured spleen. Dr. Jackson and I were able to get the bleeding stopped, and repair the rupture that caused it."

"Is she going to be all right?"

"I-I wish I could tell you for sure, String. She should have woken up by now, to be honest. Come on." I let Marella lead me down the hall until we stopped in front of Caitlin's room. "Thanks, Marella," I said, forcing a smile as I walked into the room, stifling a shudder at the sight of Caitlin lying there in the bed, unconscious. I grabbed a chair and set it up next to the bed, taking Caitlin's limp hand in mine.

"Cait," I said, knowing that sometimes, talking to an unconscious person helped them, "Cait, I'm here. I'm right here, baby, and I'll never leave you. I-I promise you that, Cait. I'll be here for you always, as long as you come back to us—come back to me, that is.

"I-I did a lot of thinkin' today, Cait. Even took the Lady up for a little spin just to clear my head, and I came to a few realizations. Number one, I don't ever want to live without you, Cait. You've become an important part of my life, and I-I just can't bear to think of my life without you, because of how much happier I am since I've gotten to know you. Even Michael tells me that he and Zeus both think I'm easier to deal with since I met you. And I know I've been a giant pain in your ass the last few days, with my mood swinging between acting like I care about you like I did the day you told us about John dumping you, and my normal self. But, Cait, I promise you—I've figured out my feelings, and I-I just want you to wake up so I can tell you about them." Suddenly, my words this morning, _'if she's still around,' _rang in my head. _You have to be okay, Cait,_ I thought anxiously. _I meant 'if she's still around' in the sense that I'm worried Cait might go back to Texas, not in the sense that she'd die on me!_ I couldn't help but think of the nightmare I had a couple of nights ago, when Cait died in my arms just like Gabrielle had. I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't hear the door open until Saint John said something.

"Anything, String?" Saint John asked from the door.

"No. But I haven't been talkin' that long, so I guess I shouldn't get my hopes up just yet."

"String, you've been sitting here for three _hours_," Saint John said. I looked at my wristwatch and realized Saint John was right. I guessed I'd been sitting there silently holding Cait's hand for a while before I started talking to her.

"C'mon, String. Let's get you down to the cafeteria and get something in your stomach. It wouldn't be good if Cait woke up and you were sitting here on an empty stomach, y'know."

Almost as if Sinj had cued it, my stomach growled, reminding me how hungry I was. Reluctantly, I let go of Caitlin's hand and allowed Saint John to pull me out of my chair. "Yeah, Sinj. You're right," I said as we walked out of Caitlin's room and headed downstairs to the cafeteria. _Sinj knows how I get on an empty stomach,_ I thought, _and I don't want Cait to have to deal with me that way. Although now that I think about it, she's dealt with a lot worse from me, and hasn't left yet. _I couldn't help but remember the day I first took Caitlin up in Airwolf, and she accidentally armed a Hellfire missile without deploying the ADF pods, which could have blown us all to smithereens. I winced as I recalled how frightened and angry I got. _Even then, she didn't leave,_ I thought.

"String, I hope this little accident hasn't changed your mind," Saint John said after we'd gotten our lunches. "I mean, I know how you get sometimes, and I'm worried about you."

"Well, I'm worried too, Sinj. I'm worried that I've been right all along, and that I am cursed somehow. Remember how I told you I had that dream the other night? Well, I feel like it's comin' true, even though I didn't find Cait unconscious. I mean, just when I decided that I was going to tell Cait how I feel about her, she gets in a car wreck, and we don't know if she's gonna make it." _Caitlin didn't have to come lookin' for me, after we helped her out with Bogan. She just showed up one day, standin' in front of the old Stearman. I wonder—could something have sent her back to California? Back to me? Something other than Airwolf, that is,_ I thought as I remembered how Cait had asked where I kept that 'monster machine of mine,' which she then also called 'that black battleship with the rotors.' Then, Saint John's voice brought me out of my thoughts again.

"String, don't think like that," Saint John said, smiling reassuringly at me as we finished eating. "You've gotta think positive, little brother. You know that. And if you're looking for evidence that you're not really cursed, just take a good, long look at me. I know my bein' gone so long was a big reason you thought you were cursed, but I'm back now. I mean, face it, String—sometimes, accidents happen, even to people we love, and we can't do a damned thing about them!" I nodded at my older brother, knowing he was right.

"And in case you forgot, little brother, they were _my parents, _too! Maybe—maybe that's why I took the position with that SOG after I got rescued, I don't know. I mean, I was hurtin' just like you were, little brother. Even all those years I was gone, there hasn't been a day go by that I don't think about Mom and Dad. Plus, I knew if I didn't take the command, the shrinks in the Army were gonna bounce me outta the service on a Section 8, and I sure as hell didn't want that to happen.

"Now, there's a girl upstairs in that room who loves you a whole lot, in case you haven't figured that out. And," Saint John added, "This didn't happen because Cait knows you. I'd be willing to bet money that she could have gotten in the same accident back in Texas or any place else she might live, even if she had no clue that Stringfellow Hawke ever existed. It's not like somebody _ordered _that guy to lose his cigarette and ram her car on purpose, y'know!"

"Yeah, I have figured out how much Cait loves me, and I understand what you're saying, especially about the accident, but it's not easy letting go of old fears, especially now, Sinj. But I promise, I'll try," I said as we headed back up to Caitlin's room. _She's always complaining about rush hour traffic,_ I thought, _and how she wishes she didn't have to deal with it so much. I never understood why, until right now. _I walked back inside and took my place in the chair next to her bed, grabbing her hand once again as Saint John left the room, letting the door close behind him.

"I'm sorry I was gone for a while, Cait, but Sinj decided I needed to get something in my stomach. You know how I get when I'm hungry, and Sinj was worried that if you woke up and I was sitting here on an empty stomach, that I might say somethin' stupid. Like I haven't done that a few thousand times since I've known you," I said, sighing. Then, I continued, "Cait, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a few days now, but I never felt right about sayin' it, first because I knew you were dating John, but most important because of everything that's happened in my past—you know, with Kelly, and Gabrielle. They knew how I felt about them, and I still lost them. But now, I'm afraid that I'm going to lose you even though you don't know how I feel about you, and I don't want to leave this unsaid anymore. I-I really wish you could hear me, Cait, 'cause I'd love to see the look on that beautiful face of yours when I tell you the truth about how I feel."

_Well,_ I thought, taking a deep breath, _here goes. _"The truth is, Caitlin, I love you. More than I've loved anybody for a very long time, and"—the sudden beeping of the monitors above Caitlin's bed startled me, and Marella and another doctor rushed into the room a moment later, Saint John right at their heels.

"String, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to leave," Marella said.

"No, Marella. I-I can't leave her"—Marella turned and glared at me.

"Out! Now!" she shouted.

"C'mon, String, let's get outta here so the doctors can work," Saint John said as he led me outside. I thought of the promise I'd made to Saint John as we came back from the cafeteria, and suddenly felt myself praying—something I haven't done in a _very _long time—as the door to Cait's room closed behind us. _God, please don't take Cait from me like you took Kelly and Gabrielle!_ I couldn't help but remember Kelly's voice telling me Caitlin wasn't going to die on me. _I sure hope you were right, Kel,_ I thought worriedly as I recalled Marella's expression. _But Marella looked worried. And if she's worried, I'm worried,_ I thought, knowing Marella was now a medical doctor. I shook my head as I remembered her listing her five doctorates that day she visited Dom and I in the hospital after we were injured on that flying stunt.

"_But you're not a 'doctor,' doctor," Dom said._

"_You mean a __**medical**__ doctor?" Marella asked._

"_Yeah."_

_"No. I still have a year of school left."_

"She's gotta be okay, Sinj," I said as the door closed behind us. "She-she just has to be. I can't live without her."

"I know, little brother," Saint John replied as he glanced at the closed door. "I know." I worriedly followed Saint John's glance to Caitlin's door, wondering what the hell was going on in there. _You have to be okay, Cait,_ I thought. _You-you just have to be. I-I won't be able to go on without you._

Then, something Dom had told me Cait had said in Michael's limo, when she was trying to convince Dom to bring her with him to rescue me from Horn, went through my mind. _'Dom, don't do that to me. I care about him, too, y'know. Probably more than you know.' What the heck did she mean by that, I wonder?_ I found myself anxiously hoping I'd get the chance to ask her what she meant.

"String," Saint John said, snapping me out of my thoughts, "I hope you don't mind me sayin' this, but you're a lot easier to deal with when Cait's around. Even Dom said so."

"Yeah, I know," I said. "Michael and Dom have both told me that, too. And even though I fought it for so long, I've finally realized that Cait is good for me. I-I just hope it's not too late," I added. Then, I looked my big brother straight in the face and said something I know he never would have expected to hear from me. "I-I'm scared, Sinj. I'm scared Cait's gonna die and never know how I feel about her." As much as I had gotten used to being alone since our parents died, except for a few minor flings, now that Saint John was home, I found myself wanting something more permanent in my life, and wanting to share my life with Caitlin. _I just hope like hell I get the chance,_ I thought.

"I know, little brother. I know," Saint John said, gently laying his hand on my shoulder.

I wasn't sure how long Saint John and I stood outside Caitlin's room, but when Marella opened the door, I couldn't help myself. "Dammit, Marella. How is she?" I winced at how rude my voice sounded, and resolved to apologize to Marella later, no matter what happened with Caitlin. _That wasn't fair,_ I thought. _Marella probably thought I'd get in the way while she was trying to figure out what's wrong with Cait, and I'm not so sure she wouldn't have been right._

"See for yourself, String," Marella said. She smiled as she moved aside and pushed the door open so Saint John and I could go back into the room. I took a deep breath and glanced worriedly at Saint John. I mean, when Marella smiled, I wondered whether she was tryin' to show me that Caitlin was okay, or trying to prepare me for the shock of finding her dead. _Please, God, don't let her die,_ I thought desperately.

"Come on, String," he said. "Whatever's in there won't change no matter how long we stand here, so let's go." I nodded and walked hesitantly back into the room, and I noticed something immediately—Caitlin was sitting upright, without the breathing tubes I'd seen when I came into the room the first time. And, she was awake. _Thank you, God,_ I thought, even as I heard Caitlin's voice. "Hey, String," she said weakly, smiling at me. _Hearing her voice is like music to my ears,_ I thought, excited.

"Cait! You-you're okay?" I asked, not sure I wanted to believe what I was seeing.

Just then, I felt Saint John's hand on my shoulder. "I'll be outside," he said.

"Thanks, Sinj. For everything." I smiled at my big brother, then turned my attention back to Caitlin.

"Stringfellow, I think Caitlin's going to be fine," the other doctor said. I noticed his name tag said "Dr. Jackson," and I listened to him as he continued.

"Something caused Caitlin's heart rate to jump a few minutes ago, and she woke up. But the sudden jump in her heart rate is what set off the alarm and caused Marella and me to come running in here. Caitlin actually said your name when she opened her eyes. I think she was disappointed that we kicked you out of here. But I have to say, I have the strangest feeling that someone was looking out for you, Caitlin." I found myself recalling what I'd said just before the alarms went off. _'The truth is, Caitlin, I love you. More than I've loved anybody for a very long time, and-'_ _could she have heard me tell her that I love her?_ I wondered, pulling myself out of my thoughts when I heard Caitlin's voice again.

"You're darned right, Doc! I was real disappointed that I didn't see String when I woke up!" Caitlin said, forcing a smile in spite of the situation. I wondered again if Cait had heard any of the things I was saying while she was unconscious, and what she thought if she had heard any of them. _Could she have heard me say that I love her, and could that have caused her heart rate to jump, and woken her up?_

"Did you _really _say my name when you woke up, Cait?" I asked, still feeling shock that Cait was sitting up in bed, awake, and alive. _I could almost believe in God, seeing her like this,_ I thought.

"Yeah, I did. Don't ask me how, String, but I just _knew_ that you were here with me when I was unconscious. I know it sounds crazy, but it was like–like I could _feel _you here with me. But when I opened my eyes, I didn't see you, like I was sure I would. Call me crazy, but I was thinkin' you'd be staring at me with those gorgeous blue eyes of yours, and when I didn't see you, I was real disappointed. So I looked around, hopin' I'd find you in here somewhere, but I found Marella instead. She saw I was awake and asked how I was feeling, but I only had one thing on my mind—finding you—so I said, 'Where's String?' That's when Marella went and opened the door and let you come in. Guess she kicked you out of here for some reason, huh?"

"Yeah, she did. I think she didn't want me hovering around and getting in the way, or something like that. But, I'm here now, Cait," I said, smiling as I sat down beside her bed again. "And, as someone once said, we need to talk." I looked deep into her eyes and noticed the worry and confusion there. _Relax, Cait, _I thought. _Hopefully, what I have to say to you will make you happy. If not, I suppose I'll just have to deal with it,_ I thought. _But what you said doesn't sound crazy at all, because it's the truth. I was here all the time, except when Sinj and I went to eat, until the alarm went off and Marella kicked me out._

"Go ahead, String," Caitlin said worriedly as Dr. Jackson and Marella walked out of the room.

"Well, first of all, I want to apologize for the way I've been acting toward you lately. I mean, one minute I'm acting like I really care about you, and the next minute I'm acting like, well, me. Standoffish and all that. Like the other day when I all but ignored you when I got to the hangar. And I apologize for that. I just had a lot on my mind." _Most of it about you, Cait. And the fact that you made it through this accident okay just tells me that I need to finally let you know how I feel about you. I just hope you feel the same way about me. But,_ I thought as I considered the way I'd been treating Caitlin recently, _I suppose I wouldn't blame you if you didn't feel that way._ Then I heard her saying something, and I forced my thoughts back into the conversation.

"I understand," Caitlin said. "And, thanks, String. But, I've gotta confess, it's the standoffish part that's bugging me. I mean, I suppose I should be used to it from you by now, but when you ignore me like you did the other day, String, it hurts. It's a giant pain in my ass, if I'm bein' perfectly honest with myself. In fact, I'm seriously thinkin' I might just go back to Texas when they let me outta here. I mean, don't take this the wrong way, 'cause I love working at the hangar with you, Sinj, and Dom, but I think this little accident has shown me that I need to move on with my life, y'know? Especially after what happened with John."

When I heard Caitlin say _'I need to move on with my life, especially after what happened with John,' _I knew she was talkin' about her love life. _Or lack thereof,_ I thought, remembering how she'd reacted when John had broken off their relationship. _Not to mention how I felt, _I thought, even as I felt my heart racing just like it did when Cait told me how John had dumped her. And I remembered how I'd been worried that my attitude recently would be the catalyst that drove her away from California, and out of my life, forever. _I can't let that happen,_ I thought as I carefully chose my next words. "Cait, please don't leave," I said, suddenly worried. _Don't leave me,_ I thought. _I already thought I was gonna lose you twice before, and I couldn't take that again. _Then, her comment, 'it's a giant pain in my ass, if I'm bein' perfectly honest with myself', rang in my head. _She couldn't have heard me say that, could she?_ I wondered, thinking of how I'd told her that I knew I was being a giant pain in the ass—in _her _ass, at least figuratively speaking—with my attitude recently.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't, Hawke, 'cause right now, I don't have one," Caitlin shot back, and I saw the determination in her eyes.

_Well, here goes everything,_ I thought as I moved closer to Caitlin, intending to kiss her. "Okay then, how's this for a reason?" I asked, but stopped when I heard the door open and saw Dom barging into the room out of the corner of my eye.

"Everything okay in here?" Dom demanded. _Lousy timing as usual, Dom,_ I thought, as I felt the courage I'd been building rush out of me like a deflated basketball. _Couldn't you have waited about two more minutes? As if I'm not nervous enough, now I've gotta build my courage up all over again to tell Cait how I feel about her. Thanks a whole heap. _I noticed Saint John was with Dom, too. _Geez, Sinj, couldn't you have tried to stop him?_ I thought.

"Yeah, Dom, I'm fine." I picked up the irritation in Cait's voice almost immediately, so I knew she was stretching the truth just a bit. "Only thing is, I think that String was just about to tell me something important before you came barging in here like a wild bull in a stampede on Daddy's ranch back in Texas, and so rudely interrupted him." _We'll apologize later, Dom. I promise,_ I thought. _And Cait, you have no idea how important what I was about to say was._

"Sorry, Cait," Dom said meekly.

"It's okay, Dom. And I'm sorry for bein' rude just now. Just don't do it again!"

"Okay, Cait."

"Sorry about that, Dom," I said.

"I know, String." I thought I saw something in Dom's eyes, like he was wondering what I was gonna do. _Have patience, Dom,_ I thought, even though I knew that was all but impossible for him. _Like I always said, that's why you never would have made it as a doctor, Dom. Because you've got no patience!_

"Come on, Dom," Saint John said. "I dunno why, but I have a very strange feeling that these two need a little more privacy." _Wow. Even after bein' away from me for all this time, you can still read me like a book, Sinj,_ I thought. _I'll have to remember to do something nice for you someday, Sinj, if things work out the way I hope they do._

"Thanks, Sinj," I said, winking at my older brother. "I owe you one." _And I'm sure you won't let me forget it, either,_ I thought.

"You got that right, String." Saint John smiled at me and mouthed the words, 'Good luck, little brother,' just before the door closed behind him. _Thanks, Sinj,_ I thought, _because boy, am I going to need it. I wish you could've stopped Dom before he came in here, though._ I watched Saint John leave and began trying to build my courage back up.

"So," Caitlin said as the door closed behind Saint John, "before you were so rudely interrupted, what were you going to tell me? Actually, let me tell you somethin' first, String. There's a reason I'm thinkin' about leaving, after what happened the other day with John, and then the accident this morning. I-I feel like there's got to be someone out there who can love me for me, not just look at me like a sex object like John did, or as just a way to get to you because of the Lady, like Sawyer did. But I can't sit around the hangar waiting to find him. I mean, you know how Mom's been buggin' me to settle down and find somebody, and start having babies." I nodded as I remembered Caitlin telling her mother, _"Mom, you're right! If I had a family, and a husband, and children, I wouldn't have been on that plane!" _when they argued after the hijacking. I also remembered Cait saying to her mother, _"I know I can't have a baby with a helicopter!" But,_ I thought, _you could have a baby with a helicopter pilot. And I know, now, that I want to be that pilot, if you'll have me._

Then I heard Caitlin continuing. "So, even though it's gonna be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, I feel like I've got to leave if I'm ever gonna go on with my life, and really be happy." I thought I saw tears in Caitlin's eyes, which actually made them look that much more beautiful, until I realized that if there were tears in her eyes, they were there because of the way I'd been treating her lately, and how she thought I felt about her.

_Oh, Cait,_ I thought, _I'm so sorry that I've made you so upset, but if that's really how you feel, then what I've got to tell you will make you very happy, because I do love you, for you. I always have. I guess I just needed somethin' like this to help me find my balls and tell you how I feel. And I promise you, I'll spend the rest of my life—of our lives—showing you how much I love you, and making you happier than you ever thought possible, if you'll give me the chance. Because I'm finally willing to admit that you make my life complete, and worth living, Caitlin. And I'm ready to admit that I love you, Cait. More than I've loved anybody in my entire life. And, I know that I'd like nothing more than to be your husband and the father to your kids, if you'll have me._

I took a deep breath as I glanced up into Caitlin's beautiful hazel eyes, hoping that what I saw there was love, before I continued. _Well, here goes. Like Gunny Romie used to say, 'Come on, Chicken Hawke! Sound off like you've got a pair!_' Finally, I knew what I wanted to say, and more importantly, how I wanted to say it to the woman I loved.


	5. Chapter 5

_Confusion, Chapter 5_

"Cait," I began again, surprised at the nerves that were building inside of me, "before Dom and Sinj told me about your accident, I-I left the hangar and went for a ride in the Lady. You know I like to do that sometimes when I need to think about things." I waited until I saw Caitlin nod before I continued.

"Well, while I was flying out there, I swear I heard Kelly—the girl I told you about who was killed right before I shipped out for Vietnam—talkin' to me. And she-she was talking about you."

I couldn't read the expression in Caitlin's eyes, and quite frankly, that worried me. "Oh, really?" Caitlin demanded, and I immediately knew she was upset. "And what did _Kelly _say?"

"Just that I should stop being afraid of my feelings, Cait. She got me to understand that she wasn't the one I'm supposed to be with, and that Gabrielle wasn't that woman, either. _You _are that woman, Caitlin O'Shannessy."

"Really? She said that?" I could tell Caitlin didn't believe a word I'd just said, and quite frankly, I couldn't blame her. All the same, I was relieved that Cait's voice didn't sound nearly as hostile as it had a moment ago, but I thought I could still hear a twinge of jealousy or something similar. _Cait, there's no reason to be jealous of Kelly. She's been dead for years,_ I thought.

"Yeah, Cait, she did. It was sort of like how you tell me that you hear my voice in your head sometimes, or how I've told you about hearing your voice in mine. I know it sounds crazy, Cait, but it happened just that way."

"Well, first of all, I don't believe a word of what you just said, String," Caitlin said, and I felt myself getting worried. "But more important, it still doesn't explain what you were going to tell me before Dom came barging in here, or what you mean when you say that I'm the woman you're supposed to be with!"

"I know, Cait." _Well, here goes nothing,_ I thought, _and everything all at the same time._

"Cait, I realized something out there today. Or maybe I just decided to admit it to myself, I don't know. Either way, it's something I've been denying for way too long. You asked me to give you a good reason why you shouldn't leave before Dom came in here, so here's the best, and the only reason I can possibly give you, and it's simple—Caitlin, I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time, maybe ever since you came back to California lookin' for me. And with Sinj home, and knowing that you're okay, I finally realize I don't have to be afraid of my feelings for you anymore. I-I just hope that I haven't completely screwed up any chance I might have had with you, especially with my attitude the past few days." I sighed as I reached over and took Caitlin's hand again, and she surprised me by pulling me closer to her until my face was a few inches from hers, and I saw the tears there in her eyes. "You okay, Cait?" I asked, suddenly even more worried. "I-I'm sorry," I said, realizing that the tears in her eyes must have been because she didn't feel the same way about me that I did—that I _do_—about her. _And,_ I thought, _the words came out just as easily in person as they did the other night, when I was talking to her picture. I just hope those tears aren't because she has to tell me she doesn't feel the same way I do. I—I don't know if I could take that._

"String, these tears are because I'm happy! I'm telling you right now, you haven't 'screwed up' your chance with me," she said through the tears in her eyes. "I-I have been hoping, and praying, for the longest time that you'd see reason sooner or later, and understand how I feel about you, and that it would be okay if you felt that way about me, too! I love you too, Stringfellow Hawke. And I'm in love with you. More than I've ever loved anybody in my life, including John." She smiled at me, then pulled me even closer for a short, passionate kiss.

As Caitlin kissed me, I swore I felt something changing in the room, like something was telling me that everything was going to be okay. I felt Caitlin's kiss become more passionate, so I quickly separated us, much to her disappointment.

"Sorry about that, Cait, but it wouldn't look real good if Dom or Marella walked in here and caught us fooling around like a couple of lovestruck teenagers," I said, and Caitlin smiled and nodded at me. _Although, if Dom did see us carrying on like that, he'd probably be extraordinarily happy, now that I think about it,_ I thought.

"Well, we'll just have to make up for it when I get out of here," Caitlin said, and I saw the glint of excitement in her eyes, "because I have been _dreaming _of kissing you like that, and of you kissing me like that, without having some director tell you to! But let me tell you somethin' right now, String! If you _ever _apologize for tellin' me you love me again, even though I love you more than life itself, I swear to God, I'll kick that sexy ass of yours all the way back to the cabin! Or if we're there, I'll kick it all the way to the hangar, or the Lair! You hear me?" She smiled when she said it, but I could see the determination in her beautiful eyes.

"Oh, I hear you. _Loud and clear._ And, don't worry—we'll definitely make up for it, Cait. I promise." I smiled and squeezed her hand. _And there'll be a lot more kisses like that, if I've got anything to say about it,_ I thought. _I've got about two years of making up to do, with the way I treated you for so long. I'm gonna spend the rest of our lives making you happier than you ever thought possible, Cait. I promise you that. _"Cait," I said, knowing I had to explain something I had told her before, "Kelly's voice told me that you are the woman I'm supposed to be with. Don't ask me how she could know that, though, because I'm not too sure I understand it myself."

"Well, if you don't understand it, then I don't see how I could!" I smiled at Caitlin, and was relieved to see her smile warmly back at me. _When I see her smile like that, I know all's right in my world,_ I thought.

Just then, the door opened and Marella and Dr. Jackson walked into the room. "Caitlin," Dr. Jackson said, "I've got some good news. Your tests all came back negative, so unless something goes wrong during the night, you'll be free to go tomorrow."

"Thanks, Doctor, and you too, Marella," Caitlin said, smiling.

"Is there something you want to tell us, Stringfellow?" Marella demanded, having noticed that Cait and I were holding hands.

"Just that I've finally admitted how I feel about Caitlin," I said, smiling at Marella and Dr. Jackson.

"Well, that's a relief," Dr. Jackson said. "Even though it means my wife wins the pool."

"Pool?" I demanded. "You were betting on us?"

"On you, actually, Mr. Hawke," Dr. Jackson replied. "The staff and our spouses, along with Michael, Marella, and Dominic, have struck up a pool as to when you'd finally pull your head out of your rear end about Caitlin, and my wife had today as the day. We've all seen how you and Caitlin act when one of you is in here—that's why we put orders on your charts not to separate either of you from the other. Well," he sighed, "I guess I'll have to admit to Cathy that she knows everything. And, she'll never let me hear the end of it," Dr. Jackson sighed as he shook his head.

"What day did you have, Marella?" I asked, out of curiosity.

"Next Friday. Oh, well, Michael had tomorrow, so he's going to be _very _disappointed. But, I think he'll also be happy for both of you. Michael and I have both been wondering when you'd get your head out of your behind about Caitlin, just like everybody else has. And, by the way, String, I wanted to apologize for being so rude earlier. I-I was just worried about Caitlin, and afraid you'd get in the way."

"Well," I said as the door opened and Dom and Saint John walked in, "I guess your wait is over. And, apology accepted. I understand why you did that, and it's okay, Marella. I apologize for being so rude when you opened the door earlier, too."

"Apology accepted. Actually, I'm kinda used to it from you, String," Marella said.

"Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry about that. To both you, and Michael." I smiled at Marella, then at Caitlin. "I think things are going to be different from now on."

"Cait, I can already see the effect you're having on String. And I hope it never changes!" Marella grinned at me when she said it, and I sensed the meaning behind her words.

"Don't worry, Marella. If I have anything to say about it, it won't. After everything I've gone through to get to this point, I promise everybody here, I'm not going anywhere for a _very long time!_"

"Their wait is over for what? And what 'effect' is Marella talking about?" Dom demanded until he saw us holding hands. "String? Did you finally"—I had to smile at how tongue-tied Dom had suddenly become.

"Yeah, Dom. After Sinj got you out of here a little while ago, I finally found my balls and told Cait exactly how I feel about her. Actually, I was trying to do that when you came in here the first time, and that's why we were both so agitated when you came in. And," I said, smiling at her, "she told me she feels the same way about me."

"Well, tell me something I didn't already know!" Dom said, flashing his familiar gap-toothed grin at us. "I was hoping you'd come to your senses, kid!" I got the feeling that Dom had been hoping for this to happen for a very long time, and that only confirmed my earlier thought-that if he _had _walked in the room and seen me kissing Cait, it would have made him very happy.

"Yeah, I know," I said. "I guess it just took something like this to give me a kick in the rear end about it. By the way, Dom," I said, grinning, "what day did _you _have?"

"Whataya mean, 'what day did'—Oh. Dr. Jackson must've told you about the pool."

"Yeah. He said his wife won. So, what day did you have, Dom?" I demanded.

"Day after tomorrow," Dom replied. "This is one pool I don't mind losin', though!"

"That's good to know," I said. Marella turned and ushered Saint John, Dom, and Dr. Jackson out, leaving Caitlin and me alone together once again.

"I think that's why I couldn't do it," Caitlin said out of the blue.

"Couldn't do what?"

"Why I couldn't sleep with John. It-it just wouldn't have been right to sleep with him, not knowin' how you felt about me, String. Y'know?"

"Yeah, I guess so. But you slept with Sawyer, even though you didn't know how I felt." _Even though I think he forced, or conned you into it somehow,_ I thought.

"That was completely different. I didn't love or want him, String, even though I know it might have seemed like I did in the beginning, and he knew that. Heck, I don't think he really loved me, or wanted me, either, even though I was naive, gullible and stupid enough to believe him when he told me he did. But, like I said before, I think I only bought the line of malarkey he was sayin' because I wasn't hearing it from _you, _String, the way I wanted to." I nodded my understanding as Cait continued, "Sawyer only did what he did to get me to keep my mouth shut about his plans for those detonators he stole. And if I hadn't given him what he wanted, then he probably would've—just taken it." I knew by the expression on Caitlin's face how much that thought frightened her. _I knew it,_ I thought, even as I regretted bringing Sawyer's name up.

"I'm sorry, Cait. I shouldn't have said that. But, don't be so hard on yourself. I saw what kind of con artist Sawyer was, so I'm not surprised he was able to convince you to do that. Heck, maybe if you'd known how I felt before he came along, things might have been different."

"It's okay, String. And anyway, what happened with Ken is over and done with, and thanks to you, he's rotting in hell along with Villers, Bogan, and the rest of his cronies. And, thanks for sayin' that, but like I said before, even if I had known how you felt, and could have told him 'no,' he probably would have just done it anyway."

"Well, Cait, all I'll say about that is that if Sawyer had raped you, I would have wanted to tear him limb from limb. And give you and Dom a few shots at him, too." Then, I felt the need to lighten the mood a little.

"Y'know, Cait, Sinj told me something very funny the other day. At least, I thought it was funny when he said it. He said that if he didn't know how you felt about me, he would have asked you out himself." I could tell Caitlin was surprised at what I'd just said by the look on her face.

"He said that? Don't get me wrong, your brother's a great guy, not to mention he's good-looking, but," Caitlin hesitated before she looked into my eyes and said, "but, he's not _you, _String. And wouldn't that be kinda weird, me dating your brother when I'm in love with you?"

"Yeah, that would be weird, Cait, but we don't have to worry about that anymore." _Not to mention it would have made me very jealous,_ I thought, _just like I was when Sawyer took you out that night._

"I'm sure glad to hear that, String. But we wouldn't have had to worry about it anyway, because if Sinj had asked me out, I would've told him how I felt about you, and that I wasn't interested, like I did when that guy asked me out on the plane when we were hijacked." I smiled as I recalled Cait turning the guy down when he came to the hangar to pick her up, and suddenly, I felt the need to tell Caitlin something that had been bugging me for a few days.

"Cait, I need to apologize for something else."

"What?" Now, I noticed Caitlin getting worried.

"I need to apologize for being so blunt that day back at the hangar—the day you told Dom and me about what happened with John. You were right, it wasn't my business, and I should have just kept my mouth shut. Anyway, again, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, String. I guess now I know why you said you hoped I didn't give up on men, huh?"

"Yeah. When you said you were thinkin' about giving up on men after John dumped you, I thought I wouldn't have a chance with you. Anyway, I'm sorry, again."

"And it's okay, again, String. I was kinda wonderin' why you were so worried I'd give up on men. I was wishin' you'd just be honest with me about your feelings. And, I was thinkin' about how you said you just wanted to see me happy. Why can't you understand that you _make _me happy, String? I'm happier since I met you than I've been my whole life, and that's why I was so hurt the other day when you ignored me the way you did. I think you knew I was in love with you, even before now, didn't you?"

"Well," I said, "I guess I finally decided to be honest; both with myself, and with you. And if I make you happy, Cait, that's only because you make me so happy, and I just try to share it with you. But I promise you something right now, Cait. I promise you that I'm going to spend the rest of our lives making you happier than you ever thought possible. And someday, if you'll have me, Cait, I'd like nothing more than to be your husband, and the father to your children. And as far as knowing that you loved me, I thought you did, especially the way you kissed me when you got off the ship, but I wasn't that confident, and Dom always told Saint John and me, 'never assume anything, because it just makes an ass out of you, and me.'" When I glanced at Caitlin again, I noticed a decidedly mischievous glint in her eyes. "Cait," I said worriedly, "you're not thinking what I think you are, are you?"

"I guess we'll find out when I get outta here," Caitlin said, smiling at me. "'cause for some strange reason, I'm suddenly feelin' incredibly horny."

"Oh-kay. That was 'need-to-know,' Cait; and I didn't. At least," I said, grinning at her, "not now. Maybe tomorrow."

"If I'm still feelin' this way by then," Caitlin replied, downcast. "And I remember you tellin' me how Dom taught you and Saint John that, and my dad taught Erin and me the same thing. But in this case, you wouldn't have been wrong, and you wouldn't have made an ass of yourself—like I told you before, I _do _love you, String. And I'm in love with you."

"Well, if it helps any, Cait, I'm feelin' the exact same way," I said, realizing my pants had suddenly become a lot tighter, and knowing the reason why. "And I'm in love with you, too, Cait."

"It does help, a little," she said, smiling at me. "And I understand why you felt the way you did, even though you didn't have any reason to worry." But I was even more concerned, because there was something I needed to ask Cait, and I wasn't sure how she'd take it.

"Cait, when you told Dom 'I care about him, too, y'know. Probably more than you know', what the heck did you mean by that?"

"I meant that I loved—I mean, that I love you, String. I-I just couldn't say it that day to Dom, 'cause I was so scared that he was gonna leave me behind and try to rescue you from Horn by himself. And there was no way in _hell _I was gonna let that happen! And, I was scared that we might not be able to get to you, and Michael would send Zebra Squad after you. I remember how he told us, 'I'm giving you 48 hours, and then I'm hitting that location with _everything I've got.'_"

"I think I understand, Cait. Well, things are all out in the open now."

"Yeah. Finally," Caitlin said, smiling at me. _When I see her smile like that, I know all's right in my world,_ I thought before I kissed her again. When we separated, Caitlin said, "By the way, String—you gave me the best reason not to leave I could have ever asked for. So you don't have to worry, because I'm not goin' anywhere, unless we're goin' somewhere, together. And, I'd love to be your wife someday, and have you as the father of my kids."

"I'm certainly glad to hear that, Cait. And like I said before, I promise you that I'm going to spend the rest of our lives making you happier than you ever thought possible. I figure it's the least I can do to make up for pushing you away for so long the way I did. And, I do plan on askin' you to marry me, Cait. Soon." I don't know why, but as I sat there holding Caitlin's hand in that hospital room, I just knew my life—_our lives_, I thought_—_would never be the same, and I knew I didn't want to wait very long before I made Caitlin my wife.

"If—I mean _when—_you do, String, I already know what my answer's going to be, and I sure hope you do." I know it sounds corny, but I saw what Caitlin meant, shining in her eyes as she looked at me.

"I think I do know that, Cait. And, I owe you another apology, for ignoring you like I did the day before your accident. That wasn't fair, and I-I'm sorry."

"That's okay, String. Saint John told me about the nightmare you had, and I guess I understand about that, so I forgive you. Just don't ever do it again!"

"Don't worry, Cait, I won't," I promised her. _God, how did I ever get so lucky as to have Cait in my life, and for her to hang around long enough to get my head out of my ass about her?_ I wondered.

_I was right. Our lives won't ever be the same. They'll only be better,_ I thought as Dom and I left the hospital and headed back to the hangar.

When Dom took me home that night, I suddenly felt myself wishing Cait was at the cabin with me, and I felt myself becoming depressed. _Maybe I'll bring her up here tomorrow after she gets out,_ I thought, figuring Dom would give us a couple of days off. _And, we'll see what happens from there._ As I fell asleep, I heard Kelly's voice in my head again. _Hate to say 'I told ya so,' String-Bean, but..._

_Yeah, yeah,_ I thought, even as I pictured Kelly smirking at me the way she always did when she'd won an argument, _you did tell me so. Anyway, thanks. For everything._

_Don't mention it, String. It was my pleasure. And you take good care of Cait, you hear me? I know she'll take good care of you, so I'm not worried about that._

_She always has,_ I thought. _Even when I didn't deserve it._

_I know, _Kelly's voice echoed in my mind again. _And I'm happy you finally decided to accept that Caitlin loves you, and allowed yourself to love her back. Well, good-bye, String. Now, Gabrielle and I can both rest in peace._

_'Bye, Kel,_ I thought, sighing as I felt my late girlfriend's presence slipping from my mind. I don't know how or why, but I just knew that would be the last time I'd think about her, or about Gabrielle, but when I saw Caitlin's smiling face in my mind again, I felt my sadness evaporate as I thought about the future. _The future, with Caitlin,_ I thought as I fell asleep.

When Dom came to get me the next morning, as we flew back to the hangar, I said, "Hey, Dom, Cait told me what she meant when she said 'I care about him, too, y'know. Probably more than you know.' She meant that she loves me, but she was just too scared at that moment to say it to you."

"Well, that's kinda what I figured, kid," Dom said, grinning at me. "I'm just glad _you _figured out your feelings before we lost her for good!"

"So am I, Dom," I said, grinning back at him. _Because we would have lost Cait, one way or the other,_ I thought.

Dom and I were at the hospital as soon as we could get there, and I wasn't surprised at all when we got to Cait's room and found her dressed and ready to leave. "'Mornin', String!" she said, her eyes shining.

"Good morning yourself, gorgeous," I said, smiling at her. _Even with those bruises, she's still the most beautiful woman I've ever known,_ I thought, not surprised to see her blush a little bit.

"Thanks, String," she replied, "but I sure don't feel gorgeous at the moment."

"Trust me," I said, stepping close to her, "you are. I don't think you have any idea how beautiful you really are, Cait." Then, ignoring Dom's stare, I kissed Caitlin with everything I had.

"Wow," Caitlin said a few seconds later, after I'd released her. "If I'd known getting in a car wreck would get that kind of a reaction from you, I would've done it long ago! Now, let's _blow this joint,_ guys!" Caitlin grinned as she sat down in the wheelchair an orderly had brought into the room, and Dom took the handlebars to wheel her out.

"I know it's the rules and all, but I really don't need this," Caitlin said as we wheeled her to the elevator. "I'm perfectly fine. Marella and Dr. Jackson said so."

"Well, like you said, Cait, rules are rules, and if we don't follow 'em, you might not get out of here, which I wouldn't appreciate at all."

"And why is that, String?" Caitlin asked, suddenly interested. We stepped into the elevator and rode down to the lobby, and I took the opportunity to look at Caitlin.

"Because we've got a date tonight. I'm taking you out for dinner, dancing, and whatever else you'd like to do," I said, smiling at her. _Somehow, I get the feeling she's been waiting a very long time to hear me say that,_ I thought when I saw her smile at me. _And I get the feeling she's got something in mind for the 'whatever else,'_ I thought when I saw a mischievous twinkle appear in her eyes.

"That sounds like fun." Caitlin smiled at me, and I saw the love she said she had for me shining in her eyes, and I hoped she saw my love for her in my eyes.

"And, don't be in any big hurry to come back, either," Dom said. "Sinj, Toni and I can handle things for at least a week, so I don't wanna see either one of you back at the hangar until then. Got it?"

"Got it," I said as the elevator doors opened and we met Marella and Dr. Jackson at the front door.

"Thanks for takin' such good care of her, Marella, Dr. Jackson," I said, smiling at them.

"That's what we're here for, Hawke," Dr. Jackson said. "Just don't be in any big hurry to come back, any of you."

"We'll do our best," I said as Caitlin stood up out of the wheelchair and wrapped her arm around my waist. I wrapped mine around hers, and together we walked out of the hospital into the warm morning sunshine.

Even though Dom had told us he didn't want us coming back for at least a week, I didn't feel right up and leaving Dom in the lurch, so Cait and I stuck around for a good portion of the day, until she decided to go home around 4:00. When I asked why, she smiled and said, "You'll see, String." Then she climbed into one of our jeeps and drove home.

_Wonder what that's about?_ I thought. I decided not to worry about it, though, as I helped Saint John straighten out a camera mount Dom was going to need for a shoot they had scheduled while we were on our unplanned vacation.

"Y'know, little brother, I'm real glad you finally decided to acknowledge your feelings about Cait," Saint John told me. "You've been smilin' more the last couple of days than you have in _years._ Or at least, since before Kelly died. And, it looks damned good on you!"

"Thanks, Sinj. And I'll probably be smiling a lot more often, too. I don't know why, but I think things are gonna be different with Cait. I think we'll really be able to build a life together."

"You mean you're thinkin' about?"—

"Whoa, there. Don't go gettin' ahead of yourself, Sinj," I warned him, "but, yeah. Even though tonight's only our first date, I've gotta admit that I can see myself marryin' Caitlin sometime, soon. Heck, in the hospital, I told her I want to be her husband, and the father of her kids, someday."

"Well, at the risk of sounding overly premature, not to mention wildly optimistic, congratulations, little brother." I smiled at Saint John as we got back to work.

About 5:15, I was relieved when Caitlin's jeep came back, but very surprised when she stepped out, not in the t-shirt and jeans she'd been wearing when she left the hospital, but in a very attractive blouse and skirt, along with a pair of simple black heels that accentuated her long, shapely legs. "Wow," I said as Caitlin walked over to me, "you look amazing, Caitlin." _I don't think I ever noticed how sexy her legs really are,_ I thought. _Of course, she rarely wears a skirt and heels around the office, and the few times she ever has, I didn't pay attention. Well, I'm definitely noticing now._ Caitlin smiled as she caught me trying not to be too obvious in the way I was staring at her legs.

"Thanks, String," she said, beaming. "I wanted to look nice for our first date."

Once again, I got the feeling that Caitlin had been wanting to say 'our first date' for a very long time. I noticed she had a suitcase with her, and I couldn't help asking, "You going somewhere?"

"Yeah," she said, sliding closer to me. "Back to the cabin with you after our date, I hope. I know, I know, I said I wasn't goin' anywhere in the hospital room, but remember, I also said that I'm not goin' anywhere that _you _aren't, String. And," she said, smiling suggestively at me, "I'm planning on stayin' with you for the week."

"Cait, are you sure?"

"Absolutely," she said, her eyes gleaming. Something in her expression told me that Cait had her own expectations about what would happen this week, with us together at the cabin, and I wasn't about to disappoint her. _I was right,_ I thought, remembering how I'd suspected she had something specific in mind for the 'whatever else' I'd mentioned as we left the hospital. I smiled and led her over to the helicopter we'd be using when we got back from our date, and stowed her suitcase in the storage compartment. As we walked back to the jeep, Dom said, "I'll see you guys later!"

"Sure thing, Dom," I said.

"String," Saint John said, "you two have a good time this week."

"We will," Caitlin said before I could reply.

"'Bye, Sinj," I said as we climbed into the jeep.

"String, this is going to be a night, and a week, that neither one of us will ever forget," Caitlin said. I glanced over at her in the passenger seat, and saw her smile at me.

"I sure hope so," I said, smiling back as we pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant. I quickly shut off the jeep and walked around to the passenger side, opening Caitlin's door just like Dom and my dad taught me to do. "Dom and my dad always taught Sinj and me that a real gentleman opens doors for his lady," I said, smiling when Caitlin blushed at my words 'for his lady.' We walked into the restaurant and were quickly seated, becoming so wrapped up in each other that the waiter had to clear his throat twice to get our attention and take our dinner orders.

"String, I have to tell you something," Caitlin said. I didn't understand why, but I suddenly felt myself get worried.

"What is it, Cait?"

"Nothing much. Just that I'm happier right here, right now, with you, than I have been in my entire life." I felt my mind and emotions relax at her words.

"Thanks, Cait. And I'm happier right now than I have been in a very long time. I should have admitted my feelings about you a long time ago. I was just so afraid I was gonna lose you, and you'd never know how I felt—or, I should say, how I _feel—_about you."

"I understand, String. And it's okay. I understand why you ignored your feelings for so long, and I forgive you. I'd probably be the same way if I'd lost as many people I loved as you have. But, at least you've got Saint John back. As far as I'm concerned, we're starting over right here, right now. And," Caitlin grinned as she squeezed my hand, "now that I know how you feel about me, I'll tell you right now—you're not gonna lose me unless you're stupid enough to let me go!"

"I'm glad to hear that. And I think I can guarantee you that I'll never do anything that stupid, Cait." I smiled and squeezed Caitlin's hand again as I saw the waiter coming with our dinners out of the corner of my eye.

"I'm sure glad to hear that, String."

"And, you're right about Sinj," I said. "Having him back does blow a pretty big hole in that curse, especially knowing what he was doing all this time. I guess that's why I couldn't get too angry at him—why be angry with him for the same thing we do ourselves?"

"Good point, String." Caitlin smiled at me as we started eating.

I had to stop eating for a minute when I heard Caitlin laugh softly. "What's so funny?"

"I was just thinkin' about when Dom saw how upset I was the other day, and he immediately blamed you. I have to admit, I felt bad when he demanded to know what you did to upset me, especially since you and I both know you had nothing to do with why I was so upset."

"Yeah, but Dom didn't know why you were upset, and he knew that I've been the reason you've been upset, more than once. And we talked about it when you went back into the office. I actually told him I wished there was somethin' I could do to make you feel better, and he told me, 'Maybe there is. You could find your balls and tell her how you really feel!'"

"Well, I'm sure glad you finally told me, String." Caitlin smiled again, and I thought, _when I see her smile like that, I know everything's right with the world._

"So am I, Caitlin." I smiled at Caitlin again, but was surprised at her reaction.

"String, you're embarrassing me, smilin' at me like that."

"Sorry, Cait, but you should know how happy you make me. Sinj was telling me just the other day how much easier he thinks I am to get along with. Even Michael has mentioned it to me."

"I've noticed, String. And I'm glad I've been able to make you happy."

"You have, Cait. And like I said before, I'm going to make you happier than you ever thought it was possible to be, for the rest of our lives."

"You already have, String." She smiled at me again, and I saw the love she said she had for me shining in her eyes.

"String, there's something I've been meaning to tell you."

"Go ahead," I said, wondering what Caitlin meant.

"Do you remember when we were all at the cabin, after you rescued me from Del Lomo and Jenkins?" I nodded, recalling how beautiful Caitlin had looked that night.

"Well, I was really hoping, before Dom and I left, that you'd kiss me good-night, and I have to say, I was _very _disappointed that you didn't."

"Sorry, Cait," I said, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "But, I promise you, I'll make up for not kissing you that night, and for every other time I should have kissed you and didn't."

"Oh, I'm _definitely _looking forward to that, String!" I had to admit, seeing Caitlin smiling at me like that, it took every ounce of willpower I had not to lean across the table and kiss her right then and there. _Later,_ I thought, remembering that we were headed to the hangar, and then back to the cabin, soon.

As we ate, I mentally kicked myself again for all the time I'd spent pushing Caitlin away because of the curse I thought I had on myself. _But that's all over now,_ I thought as we finished dinner and moved onto the dance floor. As Caitlin slipped her arms around my neck and moved into my arms, I remembered what I thought the day Caitlin told us that John had broken up with her.

"You noticed, String?"

"Noticed what, baby?"

"How well we fit together," Caitlin replied, smiling up at me. "It's-it's like we're made for each other."

"Funny you should say that, Cait, because I thought the exact same thing that day back at the hangar. And, I wouldn't change a thing," I said, smiling at her.

"Me neither," Caitlin replied, "Unless I could've made it happen sooner."

"I agree, but there's no point in dwelling on the past, Cait. All we can do is move forward, together."

"M mm, yeah. Together. The way I always wanted us to be."

"And the way we will be, forever, if I've got anything to say about it."

Caitlin sighed happily as she looked up at me, beaming. "I love the sound of that. You and me, together forever. And, I love you, String. Oh, and by the way, there's a reason I said I wanted to stay up at the cabin for the week. Remember what I said in the hospital yesterday?"

"That you were—oh, yeah, I remember. So I guess"—Caitlin suddenly cut me off with a deep, hungry, and passionate kiss, pulling me close enough that I could feel her wet heat through her skirt, and I knew she could feel my response. When we separated, once she caught her breath, Caitlin whispered, "Yeah, I am. Even more now than yesterday in the hospital room. So can we get outta here and head to the cabin? Right now?" I nodded, quickly paid the bill and we headed back to the hangar. "By the way, String," Caitlin said as we pulled up in front of the hangar a short time later, "that kiss doesn't count as makeup, since I kissed you."

"Okay, Cait," I said after we got out of the Jeep.

It didn't take long before Cait and I got back to the hangar and took the helicopter up to the cabin. As we flew up there, I kept glancing over at Cait, and noticed that she had her legs crossed in a very alluring manner, which made it that much harder for me to concentrate on flying, along with making my pants fit that much tighter due to the erection throbbing, and growing, inside. Finally, though, I set the helicopter down on the dock, and we got out and hurried into the cabin. We were in each other's arms almost from the minute we stepped through the front door, and I got the feeling Caitlin didn't want to wait any longer, so I quickly scooped her up in my arms and headed for the sleeping loft, surprised at the anticipation, and desire, that I saw there in her eyes.

"String," Caitlin breathed huskily when I'd set her back on her feet, "make love to me. Now."


	6. Chapter 6

_Confusion, Chap. 6_

**A/N: **This chapter will close out this little arc. Thanks to **Mychand, Rainbow_Severus, av981638, and AbbyGibbs **for their reviews and comments. Enjoy the final chapter!-Robert

The intensity and anticipation in Cait's eyes only made my excitement grow, but there was one thing I had to set right in my mind. "Cait, if this isn't what you really want, then you tell me, right now!" I was thinking about what Cait had told me about what Bogan's boys tried to do to her before we'd met, and of course I knew about her sleeping with Sawyer before he kidnapped her.

"Hawke, I thought we agreed we weren't going to dwell on the past," Caitlin said as her fingers worked at the buttons on my shirt. I winced at her using my last name, but I could understand why she'd done it, and my hesitation evaporated as I quickly undressed Caitlin, but once she was naked, I had to stop again.

"God, Cait, you're even more beautiful than I imagined," I said as I admired her naked body.

"Thanks," Caitlin said as she finished undressing me, "and you're even sexier than I thought." I smiled at her as I lowered us onto the bed.

I knew Cait was nervous as she guided me into her, and to be honest, so was I, but I quickly established a rhythm, increasing the pace until I heard Caitlin scream, "Oh, String!" which triggered my own release. Then we lay there, boneless, wrapped in each other's arms, until I finally realized how much I had to have been hurting Caitlin. I began slowly trying to move, but suddenly felt her arms tighten around me like steel bands. "Don't," she whispered.

"Cait, I've gotta be squashing you. I'm so much heavier."

"Do you hear me complaining?"

"No, I don't," I admitted.

"Then just let me enjoy this feeling, String. Enjoy having you in every way, just like I've always wanted you."

"All right." I looked down into the eyes of the woman I loved and saw them shining with every bit of love Caitlin said she felt for me, and I knew she was seeing my love for her in my eyes. _I have never felt as happy as I do right now,_ I thought. Finally, I withdrew from her, pulling her body tight against mine as I fell asleep.

I don't know how long we'd been asleep, but I realized something was wrong when I felt Caitlin turn suddenly in my arms. My eyes immediately opened and I felt her hand reach for my face. "String?"

"Yeah, baby," I said, reaching over and snapping on a light, "I'm here."

"I'm-I'm sorry to wake you up like that, String. I just had this horrible feeling that everything that happened last night was nothing but a dream. I mean, I always hoped and prayed you loved me the same way I love you, but I never thought we'd be together like this, and now that we are, it just seems so unreal."

"I understand how you feel, Cait. I mean, I never gave you any reason to think I loved you until recently. But trust me, this isn't a dream. You're really here, with me, and we really made love last night. More than once, as I remember."

Caitlin sighed and smiled, her eyes shining. "Yeah, I remember, and I do trust you, String. Well, like I said, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I can understand why you feel that way, like I said, and I'm going to spend the rest of our lives proving how much I love you. But, since we're both awake, I think we should take advantage of the situation, and I can get started showing you how much I love you."

Caitlin's grin told me all I needed to know. "M mm, I was hopin' you'd say that," she said as she slid into my arms and underneath me again.

Later that morning while we were having breakfast, Caitlin said, "Well, I was right."

"What about?" I had a feeling I knew what she meant, I just wanted to be sure.

"Last night was a night we'll never forget. At least, I know I won't. You were _incredible,_ String. And I learned something last night."

"What?"

"The difference between just 'having sex,' and what we did, which I know was making love. And I love you so much, String."

"Well," I said, grinning, "that puts a lot of pressure on me to make sure that tonight lives up to it, don't you think?"

"I'm not worried," Caitlin said, grinning back at me. "String, I did tell you how happy I am that you've finally gotten your head straight about me, right?"

"More than once, Cait. And I promise you this—I'll spend the rest of our lives making up for pushing you away for as long as I did." I smiled at Caitlin's reaction to my saying 'the rest of _our_ lives,' but I knew I meant it. Now that I'd figured out how I felt about Caitlin, I couldn't see myself living without her.

"I-I can't believe you said 'the rest of _our_ lives,' String," Caitlin said a moment later, confirming my suspicions. "But I feel the same way."

"I'm glad, Cait. And I love you, too. More and more every day," I said, smiling at her. We finished eating and did the dishes together, then went upstairs and got dressed, going outside to sit on the porch a few minutes later.

"I never thought I could be this happy, String," Caitlin said as she snuggled against me. "You really have made me happier than I ever thought it was possible to be."

"I feel the same way. Like I told you before, I wish I'd figured out my feelings a lot sooner. It would have been a lot easier for both of us."

"I know, String, but there's no point in you beating yourself up over what's in the past. So," Caitlin's expression hardened as she looked deep into my eyes, "What's done is done, and we can't change it, so I don't want you to ever bring that up again. Okay?"

"Bring what up again?" I replied, and I was relieved when she smiled warmly back at me.

"That's better. I mean, this is gonna be a real difficult relationship if you keep holdin' on to all those stupid anxieties and insecurities. Especially when there are so many more pleasurable things we could both be holdin' on to, if you catch my drift."

"Yeah," I said as I turned in Caitlin's arms so I was looking into her eyes, "I think I really do catch your drift." Then our lips met again, and there was no more time for talking.

When Caitlin separated us a few minutes later, after she caught her breath, she said. "Okay, now _that _counts."

"For what?" I was trying to play innocent, but I knew Caitlin could see the smile on my face.

"As makeup for when you broke that kiss off back in the hospital room," she said, and I smiled and nodded at her.

"Good. Now I can start making up for all the other times I ignored your feelings."

"Well, String, you've got a lot of work to do in that regard, so I suggest"—I knew what she was going to say—_I suggest you get started_—or something like that, so I wasted no time, capturing her lips with mine again.

Later that night, I felt like I needed to say something. "Cait, you know this won't be easy. Aside from the danger Airwolf brings into our lives, you know as well as anybody how much baggage I've got, and"—

"Yes, String," Cait interrupted me. "I know all about the baggage you've got, and your tendency to run back inside yourself. Well, let me tell you somethin', Stringfellow Hawke. When I see you runnin' to that place, I swear, I'll follow you there and drag you back here to me, roped and hog-tied if I have to!" She smiled when she said it, but I could see the seriousness in Caitlin's eyes.

"Just making sure you know what you're getting into, Cait," I said.

Caitlin simply smiled, wrapped her arms around my neck, and said, "I knew what I was getting into the day I decided to come out here lookin' for you, String. But, I'll tell you this—if you don't shut up and kiss me right this minute, I'm gonna"—I cut her off exactly as she requested, with a deep and passionate kiss. When I separated us, after Cait caught her breath, she smiled at me and said, "Well. That's better. And I'm sure that makes up for something," she said, grinning at me.

"Wouldn't want you to think I can't follow directions, Cait." I smiled at her and saw her hazel eyes shining with every ounce of love she had for me. Then, something struck me as incredibly funny. "Well, Cait. I guess you've got the man now, just like your mom's been bugging you about, huh?"

"Yeah. And what's even better is that I've got the man I want, not somebody that Mom tried to set me up with. The man I love with all my heart and soul. I still can't believe we're finally together, String. And just think what Mom's going to say!"

"I can imagine," I said, then added, "Cait, I want to tell you right now that whatever your mom might say when we tell her about us being together, I don't hold a grudge against her for anything she's said about me in the past. After all, in a way, she's right. I was being an idiot, and a danged fool, and everything else you told me that your mother said I was, about you for a very long time."

"I appreciate that, String. Thanks." I smiled at her, hoping that she knew that I meant every word I'd said.

"String, I just have one question. What about?"—I knew what Cait was asking me, and smiled.

"About the curse? Well, I did a lot of thinking that day when I went flying in Airwolf, and I thought about everything you've been through since you came here—Holly, Sawyer, the hijacking, the deal with Kevin at that other air service, Jenkins, the time your sorority reunion was attacked, and every time, you've come out okay. Not to mention the fact that you kicked my butt at Horn's compound when I was brainwashed and didn't recognize you. I–I guess I finally realize that you're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, Cait."

"String, I am so happy to hear you say that!" Caitlin's arms were around my neck before I could even blink, and she kissed me with everything she had, all the love that I now knew she'd been holding back for so long. I kissed her back with equal passion, knowing having Caitlin in my arms was the greatest feeling in the world.

By the middle of the week, I started wondering what we would do when we went back to the hangar, and Cait went back to her own house. I have to admit, the thought of being alone again depressed me. As we ate lunch one day, Caitlin said, "String, I don't want to go home."

"What?"

"You can't tell me you didn't hear what I said, not with that confounded super-hearing of yours. I _said,_ 'String, I don't want to go home'. Unless, of course, 'home' is here, with you."

"Caitlin, what are you saying?"

"Oh, for crying out loud! Do I _seriously _have to spell it out for you? String, I'm saying I want to stay _here_, with you! Do you get it?"

"Yeah, Cait. I get it." So, we flew back to the hangar and told Dom what we had decided.

"Well, I'm certainly glad to hear that!" Dom grinned at both of us before we headed out to Caitlin's house to start moving stuff out. It took several trips, but we were able to finally get her moved into the cabin by later in the day. Fortunately for us, there wasn't anything on the schedule at the hangar.

"Thanks, Dom," Caitlin said as we unloaded the last of her suitcases. "I really appreciate the help."

"My pleasure, sweetheart. But remember, you two, you're still on vacation."

"Oh, we remember, Dom," I said. Caitlin and I stood on the dock and watched Dom as he climbed into his helicopter and headed back to the hangar.

"Well, Cait, I guess there's only one thing to say."

"What?"

"Welcome _home,_" I said, noticing her smile at the emphasis I placed on the word _home._

"Thanks, String. Now," she said, as I noticed a mischievous gleam coming into her eyes, "I think I should show you just how happy I am to finally be here, with you." The glint in Caitlin's eyes left no doubt in my mind what she was thinking, and I smiled as she led me up the stairs into the sleeping loft.

**Six Months Later...**

I had finally decided it was time to make our relationship official, and legal. I still remember the expression on Dom's face when I told him I was going to ask Caitlin to marry me. "Dammit, String, it's about time!" Dom said to me.

"You're right, Dom," I said. "It is about time."

"So what are you thinkin', String?"

"Well, I've already sent plane tickets for Cait's mom and her older sister Erin, so they'll be here sometime in the next few days. Oh, and one thing—when you and Saint John meet Cait's mom, don't call her 'Mrs. O'Shannessy'. I made that mistake a few weeks ago when Cait called her mother and told her about me getting my head on straight, and Maggie told me in no uncertain terms that she hasn't gone by 'Mrs. O'Shannessy' since her husband died, and she doesn't intend to start now, especially with any friend of Caitlin's." I had to smile as I recalled the phone conversation I'd had with Maggie, when Cait told her that I'd finally come around to their way of thinking.

_Flashback_

"_Mom, you're never gonna believe this, but String–String finally told me he loves me!" Caitlin said. I had to jerk the extension away from my ear as Caitlin's mother let out an ear-splitting shriek._

"_You're kiddin' me, aren't you, Caity? You mean to tell me that danged fool Hawke finally saw sense about you?" Caitlin glanced worriedly at me, and I simply smiled before I answered her mother._

"_That's right, Mrs. O'Shannessy, I did," I said._

"_God in Heaven! Hawke, I am so sorry for what I just said! But let me tell you somethin' right now–don't you be callin' me 'Mrs. O'Shannessy,' you hear me? I haven't been called that by anybody since Caity's father Patrick died, and I sure as heck don't intend for you to start now, since you're in love with Cait! You can call me Maggie, thanks so much! And, I hope you can forgive me for that stupid 'that danged fool Hawke' comment I made. I had no idea you were listening."_

"_There's nothing to forgive, Maggie," I said, smiling over at Caitlin. "I admit that I have been being an idiot, and a fool about Caitlin for a very long time, not acknowledging how I feel about her. And by the way, call me String."_

"_That's good to hear, String," Maggie said. "And thank you. I'm glad you're not upset with me for sayin' that. Like I said before, I'm-I'm real sorry."_

"_And it's like I said, Maggie. It's okay. My parents and Dom—Dominic Santini, the man who raised Saint John and me after our parents died—taught us never to hold grudges, so I'm not holding one against you. And, that goes for everything you said about me in the past—it's all behind us now, Maggie, and I'm looking forward to the present, and the future, with Cait."_

"_Thank you again, String." Maggie replied. "You're a good man, and I'm real glad you finally got your head straight about Cait."_

"_So am I, Maggie." I glanced over at Caitlin and wasn't surprised to see her beaming, but with tears in her eyes. I think the fact that Maggie and I were getting along made Cait very happy._

_End Flashback_

"Okay, String. I'll remember that. So, when they get here, you want me to bring them up to the cabin?"

"Right. But, don't tell them about it. And, would you do us a favor and make dinner that night?"

"Sure thing, kid!" Just then, I saw Saint John walking over, which was a good thing, because I had something I wanted to talk over with him.

"What's goin' on, little brother?"

"Dom and I were just talking about something I'm gonna do in a few days, and there's somethin' I want to talk to you about, too, Sinj. I'm planning on asking Cait to marry me, and"—

"You are? Finally!" Saint John exulted. I was glad Cait was in the office with the door closed, so she couldn't hear what was going on.

"Well, Sinj, there's something I'd like to do, but I wanted to talk to you about it, first." The recognition in my older brother's eyes told me he was expecting my question even before I asked him.

"String, go ahead. The codicil said that whichever of us got engaged first should give our fiancée Mom's ring, so it's okay with me. And before you say anything, I know I told you back in Da Nang that I'd give Mom's ring to Nori, but I asked Michael about her not long after I came home, and he told me she was married with four kids. I guess she got tired of waiting for me."

"Thanks, Sinj," I said, then added, "and I'm sorry about Nori. I sure hope you find somebody someday, and find happiness the way I have with Cait."

"I hope so, too, little brother. I feel like you're more the way you were when Kelly was alive, and if you don't mind my sayin' so, it's damned good to have you back!"

"You got that right, Sinj!" Dom exulted just as the office door opened and Caitlin walked out to join us.

"What are you guys lookin' so happy about?" Caitlin asked as she walked up next to me and slipped her arm around my waist, and I slipped mine around her shoulders.

"Oh, Sinj was just commenting on how much happier I've been lately," I said nonchalantly, not wanting to reveal what else we had been talking about.

"Well, I'll certainly agree with that," Cait said as she looked up at me and smiled. "You've been happier these past six months than you've been since I met you. And I'm glad I've been able to make you so happy, String. Just like you make me happy. Happier than I ever thought it was possible for one person to be." She smiled up at me, and I saw her happiness reflected in her eyes.

"And I'm glad I make you happy, Cait. And I hope I keep doing that for the rest of our lives."

"You've been sayin' that an awful lot lately, String," Caitlin said, causing both Dom and Saint John to stifle grins, "is there somethin' you're not telling me?"

"No," I said, uncomfortable with the fact I'd just looked the woman I loved in the face and lied to her. "Why would you think I wasn't telling you anything?"

"I dunno. Just old insecurity, I guess."

"I think I understand," I said. "But don't worry about it." Then, Caitlin caught the expression on Dom's face.

"Okay, now I _know _something's going on! What's got you so happy all of a sudden, Dom?" Caitlin demanded.

"Like I said once before, Cait, 'I ain't telling!'" Dom laughed. This time it was my turn to stifle a smile when I remembered Dom saying 'I ain't telling!' the first time we met Caitlin in Pope County, Texas, all those years ago.

"By the way, Sinj, there's somethin' I've been meaning to ask you about," Caitlin said. "Le's been callin' me 'Aunt Cait' an awful lot lately, especially when String's around. Can't you explain to him that I'm not really his aunt, just a real good friend of String's?"

"I've tried, Cait, but he won't listen to me. I think he gets that stubborn streak from his uncle. Anyway, he asked me about it a few weeks ago—I think he was hoping that if String heard him calling you 'Aunt Cait', that it might give String a push to make it official. So don't be mad at him, okay?"

"Mad at Le? Nah, I could never be mad at him! Actually, I kinda like the way it sounds," Cait said, smiling at me. _Won't you be surprised, Le, to find out that I'm about to take the first step to making Cait your aunt, legally. So I don't mind at all,_ I thought. Then, Cait said, "And don't worry, Sinj. I'm not mad at you, either."

"How the heck did you know what I was thinking, Cait?" Saint John demanded.

"It was written all over your face, Sinj," she answered him. I had to smile, knowing that I'd warned Saint John about how good at reading people Caitlin was. _And, as usual, he didn't listen to me,_ I thought. _But, I rarely listen to __**him, **__either._

"That figures," Saint John said, then turned to me. "You weren't kidding about how good Cait is at reading people, little brother!"

"I tried to warn you, Sinj," I said, grinning at my older brother.

A few days later, Cait and I were alone at the cabin when I heard a helicopter approaching the dock. _Well, here we go,_ I thought when I walked to the window and recognized the Santini Air helicopter, and I knew without even looking who was aboard. I had landed our helicopter a few feet away so that the dock would be clear, knowing Dom was coming, along with guests. "What's Dom doing here?" Caitlin demanded.

"Well, let's go find out," I said, even though I knew perfectly well what was happening, and why Dom had come. I stifled a smile when I saw Maggie, Erin, Saint John, and Le getting out of the helicopter, but my mood quickly changed when Caitlin glared at me.

"What the heck are Mom and Erin doing here?" she demanded.

"I just thought it might be nice to invite them out here," I said. "You were telling me the other day how much you missed your mother and your older sister, weren't you?"

"Yeah," Caitlin agreed as we walked out to meet our guests, "I guess so."

"Caity! So good to see you again!" Maggie said, then turned to me. "Thank you, String, for inviting Erin and me out here, and for tellin' your brother and Dom not to call me 'Mrs. O'Shannessy.'"

"Well, Maggie, I remember what happened the first time I called you that by accident, and I didn't want Dom or Saint John to make the same mistake I did."

"Good decision, String," Erin said as we walked into the cabin. Maggie was immediately taken by the art hanging on the walls.

"Your brother was right, String! These paintings _are _beautiful! And they're all originals?"

"That's right, Maggie," I said, knowing Dom had moved into the kitchen to start dinner, "our grandfather collected the art, for our grandmother."

"Well, your granddad had good taste in art," Maggie said.

"Thank you, Maggie."

"Y'know, String, sometimes I forget how beautiful this place really is," Saint John said as I moved behind the bar to fix drinks for everyone. "I should come up here more often."

"Our door is always open to you, Sinj."

"Thanks, String." Just then, Dom came out and told us that dinner was ready.

"So, String," Maggie was saying as we ate, "why did you invite Erin and me all the way up here, anyway? It couldn't just have been to let us see all these beautiful paintings."

"Well, Maggie, Caitlin had been saying how much she missed you and Erin, and I thought it would be nice for you to come out here and spend some time with her."

"Oh." I thought I heard something in Maggie's voice that said she didn't believe what I had told her, and her next statement confirmed my suspicions. "I guess I was just thinkin', and hopin', that you had somethin' else in mind, that's all."

"Why would you be thinking something like that?" I asked as we finished eating. _Even though I know what you're thinking, and it's exactly what I do have in mind,_ I thought.

"Oh, just an old woman's wishes, I guess."

"Don't mind String, Mom," Cait said. "He's been actin' awful strange lately. Even stranger than usual, for him, and he won't even tell me what's going on in that gorgeous head of his."

"Well, that doesn't seem right," Maggie said. "String, why won't you tell Caity what's on your mind, for heaven's sake? I thought you loved my daughter!" _Uh-oh,_ I thought. _I better fix this, but fast._

"I do love your daughter, Maggie." Of course, I knew what Maggie was talking about, and why she was getting so agitated, so I decided I'd leave the dishes for later. I made sure everyone had a full glass of wine, and got a soda for Le, as we moved back into the living room. I sat Caitlin down on the couch, and got down on one knee as I reached into my blazer pocket and pulled out Mom's ring. "Caitlin O'Shannessy, will you marry me?"

The absolute silence in the living room made me nervous, especially the longer it lasted. Finally, Caitlin whispered, "God, yes! Yes, of course I'll marry you, String!" She wiped her eyes with her right hand as I slipped the ring onto her left, and then I stood up, pulled Caitlin into my arms, and kissed her with everything I had, and felt her respond with equal passion.

"String, I am so happy for you!" Maggie said when Caitlin and I separated. "I had a feelin' you had somethin' like this in mind when you invited Erin and me out here, and I'm sure glad I was right!"

"Yes, Maggie, and I apologize for being so mysterious about it, but I didn't want to spoil the surprise."

"Well, that makes sense. And, welcome to the family, String! I've been hoping to tell you that for a very long time!" She smiled at me as I embraced her.

"Thank you, Maggie," I said.

"And I'm sorry for sayin' 'I thought you loved my daughter' a few minutes ago, String. I was just getting awful agitated that I didn't know what you were up to, and it seemed like you were bein' awful cruel to Caity. But," she said, smiling at me, then at Caitlin, "I can see how much you love Caitlin, and of course, I know how much she loves you."

"Thank you once again, Maggie, and apology accepted," I said. _And if Cait and I have a daughter, and some boy she's dating ever did something like that to her, I'd probably be the same way,_ I thought.

"Congratulations, Cait," Erin said, smiling as she embraced her younger sister. "And String, all I'm gonna say is, you better never do anything to hurt my little sister, or so help me, I'll be coming back here and give you a piece of my mind!"

"I understand, Erin. Don't worry, though. I love Cait very much, and I'd rather hurt myself than do anything to hurt her. And, I can promise you and Maggie both that I'm going to do everything in my power to make Caitlin happy, for the rest of our lives."

"That's good to know, String. And like Mom said, welcome to our family!" She finally smiled at me and gave me a hug, and I was relieved that she was okay with us getting married. Of course, I knew about her own marriage falling apart, and I understood that Erin was worried that something might happen between Caitlin and me, but I meant what I said. I know I'd rather hurt myself than do anything to hurt Caitlin—that's how much I love her. And I know Cait feels the same way about me. _And,_ I thought, _the way I dragged this out, and all the mystery I was projecting, probably didn't help matters any,_ I thought.

"String, where did you get this ring?" Caitlin suddenly asked me. "It's beautiful, and it-it fits perfectly."

"Cait, this was my mother's ring. When their wills were read, there was a codicil with Mom's that said that whoever got engaged first, Saint John or me, should give the ring to our intended. So, the ring now belongs to you."

Caitlin shook her head and started to take the ring off. "String, no. I–I can't wear this! This was your mother's ring, and"—

"And now, it's yours," I said, placing my hand on top of Cait's to stop her from taking off the ring.

"Cait, I was there with String and Saint John when the codicil was read, and everything String's saying is the truth," Dom said, smiling at her. "You know Jane and Alan were my best friends, Cait. I think I knew Jane well enough to say two things—number one, that she'd be very proud, and happy, that you were wearing her ring and marrying String, and number two, that she'd be _very _disappointed if you _didn't _wear it!" I smiled at Dom, even as I imagined just how disappointed my mother would have been if Caitlin didn't accept the ring. Something told me that would not have been a pleasant experience for either Caitlin, or me.

"I agree, Cait," Saint John said. "I think Mom would be very upset if you didn't accept her ring."

"Well, all right, since your mother wanted it that way. I would have hated to give up such a gorgeous ring, anyway."

"Then, don't," I said.

"I won't String. I-I can't believe it. I guess this means you and I are supposed to be together."

"I guess so," I agreed, smiling at her. _And Mom would have said the same thing, _I thought.

"Congratulations, Aunt Cait!" Le suddenly said. I remembered Cait asking Saint John about why, every time Le had been around the hangar, he'd been saying 'Aunt Cait' whenever Caitlin was around, and especially when I was around. Saint John had tried to explain to Le that Cait wasn't his aunt, just a real good friend, but it hadn't stopped him. _And I won't stop him now,_ I thought. _Especially since we're about to make her his Aunt Cait, officially._

"Thanks, Half-Pint," Caitlin said as she hugged him.

"Congratulations, little brother," Saint John said after he hugged both Caitlin and me. "I know I've said this before, but you two look good together. I think you two belong together."

"So do I," I said, remembering what Kelly's voice had told me that day aboard Airwolf.

"String, Cait, I have been hopin' for this day to come for a _very long time,_" Dom said, "and I'm just countin' my lucky stars that I got to hang around long enough to see it happen!"

"We feel the same way, Dom," I said, as the three of us embraced each other.

Finally, everyone had left, and Caitlin and I were alone at last. I have to admit, I was more than a little worried about how Cait would react about everything that had happened, especially the fib I told her.

"String, thank you so much for tonight. This—this was perfect, especially since you brought Mom and Erin out here. And," she said, looking into my eyes, "I even forgive you for that little lie you told me the other day."

"Which one was that?" _Even though I know the exact lie she's talking about,_ I thought.

"When I caught you sayin' 'the rest of our lives', and I asked you if there was something you weren't telling me. You said 'No,' but I still thought you were pullin' my leg. But now I understand why you said that. I mean, I never thought you were gonna do somethin' like this, but I guess that's why I love you so danged much; and why I always will."

"And I love you, Cait. Always, and forever. And, just like I told Maggie and Erin, I'll do everything in my power to make you happy, for the rest of our lives. I figure it's the least I can do to make up for pushing you away for so long."

"I love the sound of that, String." Caitlin smiled at me, and once again, I knew everything was right in my world. Then she surprised me. "Thank you so much."

"For what?"

"Makin' my dreams come true that day in the hospital room when you told me you loved me. I have been dreamin' of hearing those words from you for _so long, _String. I was beginning to think I'd never hear you say you love me."

"Well, you'll probably get sick of hearing me say it, Cait, because I'm going to be saying it a lot more often from now on."

"Never!" Caitlin said, smiling up at me. "I could never get sick of hearin' you say you love me, String. And I hope you never get sick of hearin' me say that I love you."

"Never, Cait," I said, pulling her close to me and kissing her again.

We were married three weeks later, in a small ceremony on the dock at the cabin. An old friend of Michael's, Judge Ronald Clevenger, performed the ceremony, and Saint John stood with me as my best man, and Erin was Caitlin's maid of honor. Dom volunteered to walk Caitlin down 'the aisle,' which was the walkway to the dock, since her dad was gone. After a couple of very emotional discussions, we had decided to honor the tradition of the bride and groom not seeing each other before the wedding, and when I caught sight of Caitlin standing in the doorway of the cabin on Dom's arm, I silently affirmed to myself that she was the most beautiful woman I had ever met.

When Judge Clevenger said, 'Anyone who can show sufficient cause why these two should not wed, let them speak now, or forever hold their peace,' I found myself holding my breath, and noticed Caitlin doing the same. _Although I don't know why I'm worried,_ I thought. _Nobody here would stop this._

Finally, Judge Clevenger continued, "Stringfellow Hawke, do you take Caitlin O'Shannessy as your lawful wedded wife?"

I smiled at Caitlin and said, "I do," as I slipped her wedding ring onto her hand.

"Caitlin O'Shannessy, do you take Stringfellow Hawke as your lawful wedded husband?"

I saw Caitlin's eyes filled with tears, even as she smiled proudly and said, "Yes. I do," as she slipped the ring onto my finger. That brought the tears out of my eyes as well. Finally, I heard Judge Clevenger say, "Then by the power vested in me by the great state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Stringfellow Hawke, you may kiss your bride." I pulled Caitlin close and kissed her with everything I had as Judge Clevenger said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I present for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Stringfellow Hawke!" Everyone applauded as we kissed again.

"Finally, it's official, Aunt Cait," Le said later.

"Yeah, Half-Pint," Caitlin said, her eyes still shining, "Now I'm officially your Aunt Cait."

"You and Uncle String look real good together."

"Thanks, Le. I think so, too," Caitlin said, smiling at me.

"Congrats, little brother," Saint John said as he embraced Caitlin, then me. "I agree with Le. You two look great together."

"I feel the same way, Sinj," I said, smiling as I embraced my brother.

"Congratulations, String," Erin said, smiling at me. "I can tell how happy you make Cait, and that makes me happy. Just remember what I told you, okay?"

"I'll remember it, Erin. But like I told you before, don't worry about it. If I ever did anything that stupid and hurt Cait, I wouldn't stop you from doing whatever you felt like you had to. But I love Cait way too much to hurt her."

"I see that. And I hope I never stop seeing it!" Erin said, smiling.

"You won't," I promised her.

"That's good to know, String," Maggie said, smiling. "And thank you."

"For what?"

"For letting me stop worryin' that Caity would be alone the rest of her life. I've felt that way ever since she left Texas, but I see how happy you make her, and like Erin said, that makes me happy. And once again, welcome to our family, String! We're sure happy to have you!" She smiled at me again as we embraced, then everyone climbed into Dom's helicopter to head back to the hangar.

As I watched the helicopter leaving, holding my wife in my arms, I felt my heart beating fast. "Give me your hand, Cait."

"What's going on, String?" she asked me as she offered me one hand, and I placed it over my heart.

"You're the only one who makes my heart beat like this, Cait." She smiled at me, then took my hand and placed it over her heart, and I felt hers beating as fast as mine was.

"And you're the only one who makes mine beat this fast, String," she said, smiling at me. "I've felt that way ever since I met you. And I wanted to tell you something. That first night we were together was something I'd dreamed about for a very long time."

"How do you mean?"

"I have dreamed of being able to run my hands over your back the way I did that night, and touch you the way I did, for a very long time, like I said, String. Not to mention everything you did to me. You have no idea how long I have wanted you to make love to me."

"Well, now there's nothing stopping either one of us, Cait, because we belong to each other, for now, and forever."

"Yeah. Just the way I want us to be," Caitlin sighed as she moved closer in my arms.

"String, there was something else I meant to tell you about the day that John broke up with me."

_Uh-oh, _I thought. "Go ahead, Cait."

"Well, he told me that...that he thought the reason I didn't want to sleep with him was because, well, because I was in love with somebody else. And even though I didn't admit it to him, John was right. Because even when I was with him, I was, and always will be, in love with _you,_ String."

"Just like I'll always love you, and always be in love with you, Cait."

"And just like I said the night we first made love, String, I am happier right now than I ever thought I could be, thanks to you."

"I'm just as happy, Cait, and it's because of you," I said, and I meant it. I noticed Caitlin's eyes beginning to darken with desire, and walked us back into the cabin, stopping just before we walked inside and scooping Caitlin up in my arms to carry her, giggling, over the threshold.

Caitlin and I headed straight for the sleeping loft. As we moved into each other's arms again, I said, "Congratulations, Mrs. Hawke."

"God, String, say that again."

"Congratulations, Mrs. Hawke."

"I still can't believe it—we're finally married! It feels like – like a dream, or somethin'." I smiled as I remembered Caitlin saying she thought she was dreaming the first night we made love, and I moved to reassure her once again.

"Well, if it's a dream, Cait, then we're both having the same dream. And I promise you once again that I'll make all your dreams come true, for the rest of our lives."

"Thank you so much, String," Caitlin replied as we began undressing one another. "I am so happy right now. Even happier than I was the night of our first date. I don't think there's a word to describe how I feel, knowing that I can call you my husband." She stopped for a moment and then smiled at me, that same smile I'd fallen in love with so long ago. "I never thought I'd be able to call you my _husband,_ String. But now, I can."

"I feel the same way about you, baby," I said, smiling at her. "I am so happy, and so proud that I'm able to call you my wife. And like I told you before, I'll keep on making you happy for the rest of our lives. That's how much I love you, Caitlin Hawke."

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearin' that, especially from you, String," Caitlin said, smiling suggestively at me as we finished undressing and lay down in our bed.

"Me neither, Caitlin." I smiled as we embraced one another again, and I felt something changing in the air around the cabin. _Like everything's going to be okay,_ I thought later as Caitlin and I fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms. _And I feel like I've found the missing piece in my life. _I remembered the nights I'd spent alone, confused about my feelings, and in the place of that confusion, I felt a happiness unlike anything I'd ever felt as I fell asleep with my wife in my arms, and pondered the future. _Our future,_ I thought as I heard Caitlin sigh happily. _Our future, together._

**THE END**


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